Tess Finnegan: Your uselessness is epic.
Moe Fitch: Well, well, well. If it isn't the Ukrainian sidekick.
Alfonz: I don't think of myself that way. I am the lead character in my own story.
Tess' Attorney: Florida didn't ruin your life, you did. You married the guy for sex, then expected him to be smart.
Tess Finnegan: Nigel, I'm so sorry, but she's gotta learn that there's better ways to get attention than acting like a bimbo.
Alfonz: Like what?
Moe Fitch: Come on, I'm getting old. Let's find some gold.