Edward Cole: As something of an expert in diseases, I believe more people die from visitors than diseases.
Edward Cole: Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.
Carter Chambers: Edward Perryman Cole died in May. It was a Sunday in the afternoon and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. He was 81 years old. Even now, I can't claim to understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this: I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open, and I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place because he was buried on the mountain, and that was against the law.
Carter Chambers: Edward, I've had baths that were deeper than you.
Edward Cole: I envy people who have faith, I just can't get my head around it.
Carter Chambers: Maybe because your head's in the way.
Edward Cole: Here's something to remember when you're older Thomas - never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll remember that when I start "decrepitating" sir.
Carter Chambers: Is it Tommy or Thomas?
Thomas: It's Matthew, actually. He thought that was too biblical.
Thomas: What are you doing here?
Carter Chambers: Fighting for my life. You?
Edward Cole: What does a snail have to do to reincarnate? Leave the perfect trail of slime?
Edward Cole: Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world.
Carter Chambers: How are you going to do that?
Edward Cole: Volume.
Carter Chambers: I hate your rotten guts.
Carter Chambers: Forty-five years goes by pretty fast.
Edward Cole: Like smoke through a keyhole.
Edward Cole: Have I fired you lately?
Thomas: Not since the Oprah incident.
Edward Cole: I want my own room.
Thomas: You run hospitals, not health spas. Two beds to a room, no exceptions.
Edward Cole: We live, we die, and the wheels on the bus go round and round.
Edward Cole: How are they treating you?
Carter Chambers: The pea soup still sucks.
Edward Cole: I'll have a word with the owner.
Carter Chambers: Even now I cannot understand the measure of a life, but I can tell you this. I know that when he died, his eyes were closed and his heart was open. And I'm pretty sure he was happy with his final resting place, because he was buried on the mountain. And that was against the law.
