Vaughan Cunningham: Please don't tell anybody at the store that Albert was here. You know how this town is. Everybody spreads cruel rumors.
Melinda: You mean about you and Albert being that way...? I think everybody at the store already knows about it. Maureen Ledbetter told the most awful story about why you ain't allowed at the First Baptist Church no more.
Doyle: Hey, Vaughan, I heard you been putting it on ol' Albert Sellers who works over at the funeral home.
Vaughan Cunningham: I know Albert. We're friends.
Doyle: No, I heard you're more than friends. I heard Dick Rivers come in there and caught the two of you all bowled up and going at it in the same room with poor Miss Ogletree, her dead as a doornail laid out on a gurney.
Vaughan Cunningham: That is ridiculous. That is just a total lie.
Doyle: Was you in the nut house for hackin' somebody up with a hatchet?
Karl: I never used no hatchet that I remember. Mmm.
Doyle: So you're just crazy in a retard kind of way, huh? Wouldn't matter to me if you did do violence on someone. I ain't scared of shit. You're just a humped-over retard, seems to me. I'm just kiddin'. Welcome to our humble home, Buddy.
Vaughan Cunningham: You always seem to be deep in thought. Tell me, what are you thinking right now?
Karl: I was thinkin', I'm gonna take me some of these taters home with me.
Vaughan Cunningham: How about before that?
Karl: Well, let me think... I was thinkin' I could use me another couple cans'o that potted meat if ya got any extree.