Old Man: I wish you'd all lay off for tonight! I can't hear myself think with that racket.
Doyle: Hey! HEY.
Old Man: Knock it off or I'm calling the police.
Doyle: I told you three times already, the law's on my side! I play cards with J.D. Shelnut, chief of PO-lice! So kiss my ass, you old bastard.
Doyle: Was you in the nut house for hackin' somebody up with a hatchet?
Karl: I never used no hatchet that I remember. Mmm.
Doyle: So you're just crazy in a retard kind of way, huh? Wouldn't matter to me if you did do violence on someone. I ain't scared of shit. You're just a humped-over retard, seems to me. I'm just kiddin'. Welcome to our humble home, Buddy.
Linda Wheatley: I'm gonna make some coffee. Karl, you want some coffee?
Karl: Coffee makes me nervous when I drink it. Mmm.
Karl: I don't think anything bad ought to happen to children. I think the bad stuff should be saved up for the people whose grown up. That's the way I see it.
Karl: I'm your boy.
Karl's Father: I ain't got no boy.
Karl: I'm your oldest boy. Name of Karl.
Karl's Father: I ain't got no boy.
Karl: They turned me loose from the nervous hospital. 'Said I was well. I got hired on by a Mr. Bill Cox fixing lawnmowers and whatnot. That grass out there in the yard has grown up quite a bit. I reckon I might cut it for you.
Doyle: Believe in the Bible, do ya Karl?
Karl: I don't understand all of it, but I reckon I understand a good deal of it.
Doyle: Well I can't understand none of it. This one begat that one and that one begat this one, and lo and behold someone says some shit to someone else - just how retarded are you?
Vaughan Cunningham: Please don't tell anybody at the store that Albert was here. You know how this town is. Everybody spreads cruel rumors.
Melinda: You mean about you and Albert being that way...? I think everybody at the store already knows about it. Maureen Ledbetter told the most awful story about why you ain't allowed at the First Baptist Church no more.
Frank: I'd like to kill that son-of-a-bitch. I hate him.
Karl: You ought not talk that way. You just a boy.
Dr. Jerry Woolridge: You sleep with your mama tonight. I'm gonna sleep with your brother so Karl can have your room.
Daughter: Why?
Dr. Jerry Woolridge: 'Cause he's company.
Monty Johnson: This ain't right, Doyle. There is something wrong with you.
Doyle: Get the fuck out.
Monty Johnson: Nobody wants to take this shit, Man.
Karl: There were these two fellars standin' on a bridge, a-goin' to the bathroom. One fellar said, "The water's cold" and the other fellar said, "The water's deep." I believe one fella come from Arkansas. Get it?
Karl: Some folks call it a sling blade, I call it a Kaiser blade.
Mrs. Woolridge: Karl, I hear Jerry's taking you somewhere else tomorrow.
Karl: I don't reckon I know nobody named Jerry.
Dr. Jerry Woolridge: She's talking about me, Karl, that's my first name.
Karl: He's carrying me to look for work over in Millsburg where I's borned.
Doyle: To call the police, you push 911 then just tell 'em to bring an ambulance, or a "hearst" if you're gonna kill me.
Vaughan Cunningham: You always seem to be deep in thought. Tell me, what are you thinking right now?
Karl: I was thinkin', I'm gonna take me some of these taters home with me.
Vaughan Cunningham: How about before that?
Karl: Well, let me think... I was thinkin' I could use me another couple cans'o that potted meat if ya got any extree.
Marsha Dwiggins: Will you ever kill anyone again, Karl?
Karl: I don't reckon I got no reason to kill nobody. Mmm.
Doyle: Hey is this the kind of retard that drools and rubs shit in his hair and all that, 'cause I'm gonna have a hard time eatin' 'round that kind of thing now. Just like I am with antique furniture and midgets. You know that, I can't so much as drink a damn glass of water around a midget or a piece of antique furniture.
Linda: Doyle, you're awful. You shouldn't be that way.
Doyle: I ain't saying it's right, I'm just telling the damn truth. He'll make me sick. I know it.
Dr. Jerry Woolridge: I won't lie to you. He did get into that trouble a while ago, but then we has young.
Bill Cox: I remember well. He cut those folks to pieces and his Mama was one of them.
Scooter: And that old Dixon boy. Oh, hell, I always wanted to kill him myself. Asshole's what he was. But I remember that ol' boy too. Kinda retarded or somethin', back in school.
Doyle: What'cha doin' with that lawn mower blade Karl?
Karl: I aim to kill you with it.
Karl: Reckon you make me some biscuits.
