Chris: I'm not a total dead loss as a woman, I may not be able to knit or make plum jam but I can bake a bloody Victoria sponge... 'course I didn't bake this one, I got it at Marks and Spencer.
Chris: Look at 'em. Highgyll WI, "ooh, let's arrange our cakes round an old cartwheel."
Ruth: Does look pretty though.
Chris: Whose side are you on, Brutus?
Ruth: No, I didn't mean.
Chris: What's your event by the way?
Ruth: Tea tray, on an international theme. I did Jamaica but it could be anywhere in the Caribbean.
Chris: You know, if more people did WI, there'd be half the need for hallucinogenic drugs.
Chris: T minus two hours. Bras off to avoid strap marks.
Celia: As we speak darling, as we speak.
Annie: Anybody fancy some chips?
Jessie: Hello dear. I thought I'd bring my journalists to meet your journalists.
Student Photographer: The blood represents the spread of globalisation and the sheep's skull represents the death of democracy.
Chris: And the carrot?
Student Photographer: The carrot is capitalism.
Annie: You baked that?
Chris: I'm not a total dead loss as a woman. I can't knit or make plum jam but I can bake a bloody Victoria sponge.
Annie: Ok, thank you.
Chris: Course, I didn't actually bake this one - I got it at Marks and Spencer - but the point is.
Annie: You can't enter a cake you bought in a shop.
Chris: Get off! It doesn't matter where it comes from, does it? This is about putting up a united front against Highgyll. This isn't bakery. It's Zulu.
Ruth: We're not all Chrises in this life. Some of us are Ruths.
Marie: Naked.
Cora: It's not naked. It's nude.
Marie: What's the difference?
Celia: Art.
End title card: To date, the Calendar Girls have raised over £578,000. This has paid for a new leukaemia unit at the local hospital. And a sofa.
Lawrence Sertain: Congratulations! It's a calendar.
Chris: How's Jem?
Rod: He made a quiche on Tuesday. We've been stoned ever since.
Chris: Lawrence, we're going to need considerably bigger buns.
