Lil: And shelf paper! Oh, Johnny, I love shelf paper.
D.A. Burr: (On Johnny Dangerously's payroll) Why don't you ease into the job, by taking a vacation?
Tommy Kelly: But what about crime?
D.A. Burr: Don't worry. It'll still be here when you get back.
Roman Moroni: This is fargin war.
Tommy Kelly: You were gonna take a bullet for me.
Johnny Kelly: Actually, I was just counting on a lot of missing.
Ma Kelly: Bless the saints, it's an ashtray! I've been thinking of taking up smoking. This clinches it.
Johnny Dangerously: Alright here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit.
Member of Dundee's gang: Le-what?
Johnny Dangerously: Legit.
Charley: Le-why?
Danny Vermin: I'll tell you le-why. Because Johnny Dangerously is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the D.A., Tommy Kelly.
Young Johnny: Dr. Magnus, how's my mother?
Dr. Magnus: It's her pancreas again, Johnny. She's gonna need an operation immediately.
Young Johnny: How much is it gonna cost?
Dr. Magnus: $49.95.
Young Johnny: $49.95?
Dr. Magnus: This week only.
Young Johnny: Where am I gonna get that kind of money?
Dr. Magnus: Why don't you knock over a gas station?
Johnny Dangerously: Hey Pope, why don't you go build yourself a new gym at the Vatican.
