Johnny Dangerously: Alright here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit.
Member of Dundee's gang: Le-what?
Johnny Dangerously: Legit.
Charley: Le-why?
Danny Vermin: I'll tell you le-why. Because Johnny Dangerously is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the D.A., Tommy Kelly.
Roman Moroni: Why you miserable cork-soaker.
Ma Kelly: Bless the saints, it's an ashtray! I've been thinking of taking up smoking. This clinches it.
Johnny Dangerously: The name's Dangerously. Johnny Dangerously.
Lil: Did you know you're last name is an adverb?
Tommy Kelly: You were gonna take a bullet for me.
Johnny Kelly: Actually, I was just counting on a lot of missing.
Ma Kelly: I love him, but someday I'm gonna knock him on his ass.
Roman Moroni: This is fargin war.
Johnny Dangerously: The years hadn't softened Moronie. He continued to murder the English Language, and anyone who got in his way.
D.A. Burr: (On Johnny Dangerously's payroll) Why don't you ease into the job, by taking a vacation?
Tommy Kelly: But what about crime?
D.A. Burr: Don't worry. It'll still be here when you get back.
Johnny Kelly: Hi Dr. Magnus. How's my mother?
Dr. Magnus: It's her thyroid, Johnny.
Johnny Kelly: What's wrong with it?
Dr. Magnus: We can't find it. Gonna have to do a thyroid search.
Johnny Kelly: How much is that gonna cost?
Dr. Magnus: You're in luck. This week a special. $999 dollars.
Lil: And shelf paper! Oh, Johnny, I love shelf paper.
Ma Kelly: The Lower East Side. This really sucks.
Danny Vermin: You shouldn't have shot me, Johnny. My grandmother shot me once.
Danny Vermin: You shouldn't hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once. Once.
Chorus Girl: I'm not wearing a bra, Johnny.
Johnny Dangerously: Yeah? Well that makes two of us.
Tommy Kelly: Oh God! How do you get laid in 1930?
Johnny Dangerously: Hey Pope, why don't you go build yourself a new gym at the Vatican.
Newspaper Headline: Roman Moroni Deported to Sweden. Says He's Not From There.
Desk Sergeant: Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Be on the look out for... now listen to this: Dangerously and accomplices dressed as nuns driving a sedan covered with... oh you'll love this... duckies and bunnies.
Desk Sergeant: Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Come to Dooley's bar and grill. I'm buyin'.
