Oscar Madison: Don't come to me with your petty problems. You get this one stinkin' night a week. I'm cooped up here with Mary Poppins 24 hours a day.
Oscar Madison: I know him. He'll kill himself just to spite me. Then his ghost will come back, following me around the apartment, haunting and cleaning, haunting and cleaning, haunting and cleaning.
Vinnie: I thought he looked edgy the last couple of weeks. Don't you think he looked edgy?
Speed: No, as a matter of fact, I thought you looked edgy.
Oscar Madison: Murray, I'll give you $200 for your gun.