The Odd Couple

The Odd Couple (1968)

28 quotes

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Oscar Madison: I know him. He'll kill himself just to spite me. Then his ghost will come back, following me around the apartment, haunting and cleaning, haunting and cleaning, haunting and cleaning.

Felix Ungar: I'm a neurotic nut, but you're crazy.

Oscar Madison: Don't threaten me with jail, Blanche, because it's not a threat. With my expenses and my alimony, a prisoner takes home more pay than I do.

Oscar Madison: I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar.

Oscar Madison: Murray, I'll give you $200 for your gun.

Felix Ungar: I'll be in the way.
Gwendolyn Pigeon: How could you possibly be in anyone's way?
Oscar Madison: You want to see a typewritten list?
Gwendolyn Pigeon: Oh, haven't you said enough already?

Felix Ungar: Walk on the paper, will you? I washed the floor in there.

Oscar Madison: You did a great job, Felix. One little suggestion: let's come down a little bit with the lights, and up very softly with the music, huh? Hey, do you think Mozart goes good with meatloaf?

Oscar Madison: Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it.

Oscar Madison: Wait a minute, you're not going anywhere until you take it back.
Felix Ungar: Take what back?
Oscar Madison: "Let it be on your head." What the hell is that, the Curse of the Cat People?

Murray: A whole bottle of pills! My God, get an ambulance.
Oscar Madison: Wait a minute, will ya? We don't even know what kind.
Murray: What difference does it make? He took a whole bottle.
Oscar Madison: Well, maybe they were vitamins! He could be the healthiest one in the room.

Murray: Hey, did you know Felix was once locked in a john overnight? He wrote out his entire will on half a roll of toilet paper. What a nut.

Vinnie: I thought he looked edgy the last couple of weeks. Don't you think he looked edgy?
Speed: No, as a matter of fact, I thought you looked edgy.

Cecily Pigeon: I'm divorced. Well, technically I'm a widow. I was getting divorced but he died before the final papers came through.

Oscar Madison: It takes two to make a rotten mariage.

Oscar Madison: Getting a clear picture on Channel 2 is not my idea of whoopee.

Felix Ungar: In other words, you're throwin' me out.
Oscar Madison: Not in other words. Those are the perfect ones.

Cop in squad car: Hey, what are you doing, Murray?
Murray: Off-duty arrest. Caught them gambling.

Roy: What if he's lying in a gutter somewhere? Who would know who he is?
Oscar Madison: He's got 92 credit cards in his wallet. The minute something happens to him, America lights up.

Vinnie: If you need me, I'll be at the Meridian Motel in Miami Beach.
Oscar Madison: You'll be the first one I call, Vinnie.

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