Sonny: Congratulations! You and "Big Boobs" McGee are gonna get along just fine.
Kevin: Don't call her "Big Boobs" McGee.
Sonny: You're going to explain to your kids that you met their mother while she was waitressing at Hooters?
Kevin: Sonny that was five years ago! She's a doctor now, and my fiance. So from now on, Dr. "Big Boobs" McGee.
Mike: I am still weirded out seeing them kiss.
Sonny: Why? They're gay. That's what gay guys do.
Mike: Yeah, but they were like brothers to us in school.
Sonny: They're still our brothers. Our very gay brothers.
Sonny: I'm working on a big case: I'm gonna sue you assholes for making me come down here.
Sonny: What's in the bag Corrine? Chicken wings? Booby tassles?
Sonny: What do you eat?
Sonny: Oh yea? Well I eat food too.
Sonny: I had a mother lined up for him, but she's bangin' the Pepperidge Farm guy and the kid won't stop peeing and throwing up, he's like a cocker spaniel.
Sonny: What, you want a father figure? Stop pulling your sister's hair.
Layla: So two guys you were best friends with in law school fell in love with each other?
Layla: Is that strange for you?
Sonny: Uh, nothing changed really. They watch a different kind of porno now.
Sonny: You can be scared that I might get pickpocketed in a bad neighborhood or break my legs skiing. But don't be scared about me being a dad, because I will not fail. I love this kid too much. I love him as much as you love me, Dad. I'm gonna give him advice and I'm gonna guide him and I'll be there whenever he needs me. I'll fly to New York to be at his court case even if I disagree with why he's there.
Homeless Guy: Total Mind blow.
Homeless Guy: Yes, considering we're in America! I mean, if you don't like Spaghetti and Meatballs, why don't you just get the hell out?
Sonny: Everyone's so busy with their crap lately, no-one ever comes.
Mr. Herlihy: Like I'm not busy?
Sonny: Hey Mr. Herlihy, how bout you shut up before I smack you threw the wall like last week?
Mr. Herlihy: Last Monday was a fluke. Bring it on woman. Oh... hah... hahahahahahaha.
Sonny: He drinks a lot of soda.
Ted Castellucci: Objection, Your Honor! The court is interested in the truth, not the opinion of the defendant's father.
Lenny: You want my opinion? My son is a moron.
Ted Castellucci: I withdraw my objection. Please proceed.
Nazo: What are your cards?
Julian: I got a 6, a 5, a Jack, a 4 and a 8. I win.
Sonny: What do you mean "you win"? I had a hand just like that before, I didn't win?
Julian: Because I win.
Nazo: This is bullshit.
Sonny: Alright, take it easy man.
Nazo: Every time different cards, he still wins?
Julian: I wipe my own ass.
Nazo: Me too.
Corinne: What's this I hear about you doing laundry with my sister?
Sonny: Did she say we were doing laundry? Because where I come from, it's called "doing the hibbidy-dibbidy."
Sonny: I know this is the right thing because I would die for this kid just so he won't feel one ounce of sadness. That's why you're here right now, to protect me, to be scared for me to be a good father. And that's exactly what I'm gonna be.
Sonny: Having a kid is great... as long as his eyes are closed and he's not moving or speaking.
Sonny: Hey, stay away from the frozen food section, Corinne! Your boobs'll harden.
Sonny: Hey! You just made the biggest mistake of your life, baby. I know you're gunna be missing me when you have that big, white, wrinkly body on you with his loose skin and old balls... gross! Ugh.