So I Married an Axe Murderer (1993)

Charlie Mackenzie: Harriet. Harry-ette. Hard-hearted harbinger of haggis. Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed?"He wants you back," he screamed into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely. It's really hard. This poem... sucks.

Charlie Mackenzie: No, not really. Usually I follow the Judao-Christian ethic of "Thou shalt not kill." But, that's just me.

Charlie Mackenzie: Woman... woe-man... whoooa-man. She was a thief, you gotta believe, she stole my heart and my cat. Betty, Judy, Josie and those hot Pussycats... they make me horny, Saturday morny... girls of cartoo-ins will leave me in ruins... I want to to be Betty's Barney. Hey Jane... get me off this crazy thing... called love.

Charlie Mackenzie: How many people have you brutally murdered?
Harriet Michaels: Well, brutal's a very subjective word. I mean, what's brutal to one person might be totally reasonable to somebody else.

Tony Giardino: Charlie, two words: therapy.

Charlie Mackenzie: I'm afraid you're gonna ki - leave me.
Harriet Michaels: That I'm gonna cleave you?

Charlie Mackenzie: I like the night life. I like to boogie.

Charlie MacKenzie: Hey, mom. I find it interesting that you refer to the Weekly World News as "the paper." The paper contains facts.
May MacKenzie: This paper contains facts. And this paper has the 8th highest circulation in the whole wide world. All right? Plenty of facts. "Pregnant man gives birth." That's a fact.

Bishop73

Harriet Michaels: I have a surprise for you.
Charlie Mackenzie: What is it?
Harriet Michaels: It's a health shake. And I made it especially for you. Try it.
Charlie Mackenzie: Thank you, no. Thanks. Thanks.

Stuart Mackenzie: Let's get pissed.

Charlie Mackenzie: Come, let us dance like children of the night.

Tony Giardino: Larry Leonard, crooner, made a name for himself being able to sing in six different languages the song, "Only You.
Charlie Mackenzie: Yes, see?
Tony Giardino: Charlie, does Harriett even know the words to Only You?
Charlie Mackenzie: Well, I don't know Tony, we haven't reached that all too critical do you know the words to "Only You" phase in our relationship, so I'm afraid I'm not much help.

Stuart Mackenzie: Alright, give your mother a kiss, or I'll kick your teeth in.

May Mackenzie: Wow, you've turned into a right sexy wee bastard. Do you know that?
Tony Giardino: Thanks, Mrs. Mackenzie.
May Mackenzie: Hasn't he?
Charlie Mackenzie: Oh, I think so.

Rose Michaels: Well... you know Harriet.
Charlie Mackenzie: Well, actually, I don't.
Rose Michaels: But you did have sex with her.
Charlie Mackenzie: Hello.

Tony Giardino: What's the news?
Police Chief: Oh, you wanna hear the news? Well, here's the news! It seems that the old lady that confessed to the murder of Ralph Elliot has also confessed to a couple of other murders.
Tony Giardino: I knew she would! I knew it.
Police Chief: Yeah! Right! Well, she's confessed to the murders of Abraham Lincoln, Warren G. Harding and Julius Caesar. She's a nutcase! A nutcase.

Charlie Mackenzie: Woman! Woah-man! Wooaahhhhh-man! We had love, not just sex. Is she Mrs. X? I had to run for my life... Jane, get me off this crazy thing called love.

Maureen O'Boyle: But first up tonight, the justice department reports an alarming rise in the number of poisoning murders across the United States. And that eighty seven per cent of the poison murders occur within the family.

May Mackenzie: Charlie, would you like a juice?
May Mackenzie: Look at what I've bought myself, a Juice Tiger.
Charlie Mackenzie: A Juice Tiger?
May Mackenzie: Yes, I juice everything now.
May Mackenzie: I'm on a new diet.
May Mackenzie: I'm on a Weekly World News Garth Brooks Juice Diet.

Charlie Mackenzie: Marry me.
Harriet: No.
Charlie Mackenzie: Please?