Raymond: Of course, I'm not wearing any underwear.
Charlie: There is a Hell, sir. My father's in it. He is looking up right now and he is laughing his ass off.
Charlie: Ray, we're at an airport. People fly out of airports. What'd you think we're doing here this whole time?
Charlie: Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn't mean that they are not safe.
Raymond: Qantas. qantas never crashed.
Raymond: Never crashed.
Charlie: Oh that's gonna do me a lot of good because qantas doesn't fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles.
Charlie: What's it going to be Ray? What's it going to be?
Raymond: This is a very dangerous highway.
Charlie: How am I going to get to LA?
Raymond: Course driving your car on this interstate is very dangerous.
Charlie: You want to get off the highway will that make you happy?
Charlie: Yeah, well you gotta GET in THE CAR SO that WE CAN GET OFF THE highway.
Raymond: Course in 1986 46,400 male drivers were definitely involved in fatal accidents.
Charlie: I'm gonna let ya' in on a little secret, Ray. K-Mart sucks.
Charlie: Does Raymond know how much money he's inherited?
Dr. Bruner: No, he doesn't understand the concept of money.
Charlie: He doesn't understand the concept of money? He just inherited $3,000,000 and he doesn't understand the concept of money? Wow, good work, Dad. I'm getting fucking poetic here.
Charlie: You've got a date, Ray, you're gonna go dancing.
Charlie: You know how to dance, Ray?
Charlie: I'll have to teach you sometime.
Raymond: Definitely have to dance on my date. Have to learn how to dance. Definitely. Now.
Charlie: Ray, you're not gonna have to dance, but I will teach you sometime.
Raymond: Definitely have to dance with Iris.
Charlie: Sorry I even brought this up. You're right, Ray, you got a date with the only famous dancing hooker in Las Vegas.
Charlie: I'm gonna go take a celebration piss.
Raymond: C-H-A-R-L-I-E, my main man.