Augustus: Between the three of us, we have 5 legs, 4 eyes, 2 1/2 working pairs of lungs, but we also have 2 dozen eggs, so I'd go back inside if I were you.
Bernie: I wanna talk to you, man. All that stuff that I was sayin' to you about her potentially being Alison? I didn't mean it, man. I'm seeing a difference in you. I feel like it's because of her. I'm kind of like, jealous, a little bit? I'm really happy for you, Danny.
Bernie: Fuck no! This is stupid.
Gordon: Good God, man. You've fallen for that little slice of American pie.
Gordon: Now you listen to me. This might be the most important bit of advice that I ever give you. American women may be fun and Victoria Secret when you first met them, but as soon as they get their claws into you, they stop fucking and start eating, and the only ass you gonna get is a fat one.
David Elliot: When my parents broke, they met when they were in high school, it made sense. That's what I want to find, true love, the kind of you fight for, that you always put first. That makes you wanna be good, do better and not with just any girl, but the girl and when I find that, that's all I need.