Jim: Well, it got so that every piss-ant prairie punk who thought he could shoot a gun would ride into town to try out the Waco Kid. I must have killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille. It got pretty gritty. I started to hear the word "draw" in my sleep. Then one day, I was just walking down the street when I heard a voice behind me say, "Reach for it, mister!" I spun around... And there I was, face-to-face with a six-year old kid. Well, I just threw my guns down and walked away. Little bastard shot me in the ass. So I limped to the nearest saloon, crawled inside a whiskey bottle, and I've been there ever since.
Melody: I didn't get your name.
Lightfoot: Well, I didn't give it to ya'. My name is Lightfoot.
Lightfoot: That's right.
Melody: That's a dumb name. I mean, what kind of person would name a kid that, ya' know?
Lightfoot: What's your name?
Lightfoot: "Melody"? That's not a dumb name?.. Hey, maybe we had the same father?
Doug Roberts: I don't know. Maybe they just oughta leave it the way it is. Kind of a shrine to all the bullshit in the world.
Athos: Leave now. Leave Paris, leave France. Get as far from that evil woman's grasp as you can.
Snow Miser's Men: He's Mister White Christmas, he's Mister Snow. He's Mr. Icicle, he's Mister 10 below.
Snow Miser: Friends call me Snow Miser, whatever I touch turns to snow in my clutch. I'm too much.
Lenny Bruce: "Fuck you." Never understood that insult, because fucking someone is actually really pleasant. If we're trying to be mean, we should say "unfuck you!"
Noah Cross: 'Course I'm respectable. I'm old. Politicians, ugly buildings, and whores all get respectable if they last long enough.
Sam Royce: Barbara, take off your pantyhose, damnit! You too, c'mon, take off your pantyhose.