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Ernest: How'd you do that?
Kenny: It's the milk! It eradicates them.
Ernest: Yeah, gets rid of them too.

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Edgar: I go out. I work my butt off to make a living. All I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table. But instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away! I'm eating that, damn it! It is poison isn't it!? I swear to God, I would not be surprised if it was.

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Ty Webb: Just let it happen. Be the ball. Be the ball, Danny. You're not being the ball, Danny.
Danny Noonan: Well it's kinda difficult with you talking like that.
Ty Webb: Okay, I'm not talking...stopped talking. I'm not talking now. Be the ball.

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Roland Jaycocks: Meet Tony the Toilet Buddy. And when you sit down to do your business, this is how he works.
Tony the Toilet Buddy: Oh yeah, that's the way! Gosh you're big! You're so big! My goodness, look at you! Fill me up, Chandler, put it in me.
Roland: Chandler's my youngest, loves it.
Toilet Buddy: Give it to me, Chandler. I want it all. Mmm! Ahh.

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Kabral: The black guy always dies. Think about it, man. Unforgiven. Alien. Rocky IV. The Shining.
Roy: Star Trek II. Forrest Gump. Witness.
Bud: Annie Hall. Not Annie Hall.
Roy: No, Night of the Living Dead.
Bud: That's the one!
Kabral: And what about that brother in Jurassic Park, man?
Bud: There were two black guys who died in that one. That was a twofer. You must be really pissed off at that one.

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Ellie Sattler: What's so wrong with kids?
Alan Grant: Oh Ellie, look, they're noisy, they're messy, they're expensive. They smell. Some of them smell, babies smell.

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George Kirk: What are we going to call him?
Winona Kirk: We can name him after your father.
George Kirk: Tiberius? Are you kidding me? No, that's the worst.

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Chief Dwayne: Now you listen to me, mister. I don't know who the hell you think you are or what you're doing, but you just destroyed a building! Now we do not want your help, is that clear? We don't want your help. I've got a 100 people down here and they are covered with glass!
John McClane: Glass? Who gives a shit about glass?

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Jimmy Flaherty: Prison won't be so bad. I can became a born-again Christian. And that'll be good. Because nobody wants a born-again Christian as their bitch.

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Store Clerk: Enough! You're it! And no touch backs, no do overs, no erasies, and this whole store is home free!
Harry: Lloyd, can he do that?
Lloyd: Oh yeah Harry. He can. He did. And now...it's on like Donkey Kong. Pay the man.
Harry: Pay the man.

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Malory Archer: An erection?! The thought of me dead gives you an erection!?
Sterling Archer: No! Just half a one, the other half would have really missed you. I mean, not.

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Zeus: Watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it, watch it! Are you aiming for these people?
John: No. Well, maybe that mime.

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Raymond: Uncle, you better come look at this.
Zeus: What?
Raymond: There's a white man standing in the street.
Zeus: I've seen one.
Raymond: Not like this.
Zeus: [Sees John McClane.] Dial 9-1-1. Tell the police to get up here quick, somebody's about to get killed.

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Uncle Buck: We've done the battle of the wills. The deck's stacked in my favor. You're just going to lose again.
Tia Russell: Try me.
Uncle Buck: How'd you like to spend the next several nights wondering if your crazy, out of work, bum uncle will shave your head while you sleep? See you in the car.

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Buck Russell: I, I, I'm real sorry about those bushes too. I had no idea that they would all catch on fire like that and you were right. I should have never put the BBQ that close.

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