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Poison - S1-E7

Ron Carter: In light of the severity of these crimes, we ask for remand, your honor.
Ms. O'Brien: In light of the weakness of their evidence, remand is absurd.
Ron Carver: The evidence past mustard with the grand jury.
Ms. O'Brien: Oh right, was my client indicted before or after the ham sandwich?

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The Dude: So, if you could just uh, write me a check for my ten percent of half a million, five grand.

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S.H.I.E.L.D. Officer: Number six boat is topped and locked...or, uh...or stocked, topped...it's uh, full of people.

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Hawkeye: Are you up for this? Are you? Look, I just need to know because the city is, is flying. Okay, look, the city is flying, we're fighting an army of robots, and I have a bow and arrow. None of this makes sense.

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High School Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: OK, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine.

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High School Principal: If there's any attempt by either contestant to cheat, especially with my wife, who is a dirty, dirty, tramp, I am just going to snap.

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Neil Miller: I know you can find someone wonderful to spend the rest of your life with. Don't let the facts that you have no time, no prospects, and a paralyzingly fear of intimacy, get you down.
Scott Calvin: Have you ever helped anyone, ever?

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Bernard: Curtis, you're 900 years old. Grow up.

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Narrator: "Pooh-pooh to the Whos" he was grinchily humming.
The Grinch: They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming. They're just waking up, I know just what they'll do. Their mouths will hang open a minute or two. Then the Whos down in Whoville will all cry "booo-hooo."

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Defendor: When you break the law, you're a punk. When you break it with a badge, you're a punk with a badge. I don't strike officers. Punks? Different story.

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Roland Trembo: Snaggers, stay ready. I'm bringing it out to you. It'll be a...um...pachy...a pachya... Oh hell, the fat head with a bald spot. Friar Tuck.

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Marty: You mean I'm going to see where I live? I'm going to see myself as an old man?
Doc: No, no, no, Marty, that could result in a...[gasps]. Great Scott! Jennifer could conceivably encounter her future self! The consequences of that could be disastrous.
Marty: Doc, what do you mean?
Doc: I foresee two possibilities. One, coming face-to-face with herself 30 years older would put her in shock and she'd simply pass out. Or two, the encounter could create a time paradox, the result of which could cause a chain reaction that would unravel the very fabric of the space-time continuum and destroy the entire universe! Granted, that's a worse-case scenario. The destruction might in fact be very localized, limited to merely our own galaxy.
Marty: Well, that's a relief.

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Classic Movie Mob Guy: Who is it?
Pizza Delivery Boy: It's Little Nero's, sir. I have your pizza.
Classic Movie: Leave it on the doorstep and get the hell outta here.
Pizza Delivery Boy: Okay. Um, well, what about the money?
Classic Movie: What money?
Pizza Delivery Boy: You have to pay for your pizza, sir.
Classic Movie: Is that a fact? How much do I owe you?
Pizza Delivery Boy: Um, that'll be $11.80, sir.
[Kevin puts $12 through the doggy door.]
Classic Movie: Keep the change you filthy animal.
Pizza Delivery Boy: Cheapskate.
Classic Movie: Hey! I'm going to give you to the count of 10 to get your ugly, yella, no good keister off my property before I pump your guts full of lead. 1. 2. 10. [Machine gun fire and laughter].

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Kevin McCallister: I made my family disappear.

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Doc: No, it can't be. I just sent you back to the future.
Marty: Yeah, oh I know. You did send me back to the future. But I'm back, I'm back from the future.
Doc: Great Scott!

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Old Biff: Flying DeLorean? I haven't seen one of those in...30 years.

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Taggart: I know how we can run everybody outta Rock Ridge.
Hedley Lamarr: How?
Taggart: We'll kill the first born male child in every household.
Lamarr: Too Jewish.

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Abra Cadaver - S2-E7

Liv: They identified a hair found in the sink drain of Meat Cute as belonging to missing astronaut Alan York. You killed the fourth man who walked on the moon?
Blaine: Please, nobody cares about the fourth person to do something.

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Paul Blart: Security's been breached. Of course. Eduardo's in on it. Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on...me. No, that's me twice. That doesn't work.

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Maya Blart: Look, Dad, you're going to have to get use to the idea that I'm a big girl now.
Paul Blart: Ok, first of all, we're all big. We're Blarts. Wide hips, thick ankles, and a low center of gravity. That's how the good Lord made us. That's why we're no good at running hurdles. Never will be.

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