Caroline: I'm not going to let them get away with this. I'm going to mock them in my comic strip.
Richard: No, no, no. Caroline, please. Remember when you mocked the electric company? I'm not working by candlelight again.
Caroline: You're Richard's mother?
Natalie Karinsky: Oh, did he tell you I was dead? Usually he tells everyone I'm dead.
Annie: No. He said you lived in Utah.
Natalie Karinsky: Utah? I'd rather be dead.
Annie: Richie can't drive.
Richard: This is true, but if you lay down in the street I'll give it a try.
Richard: Does this elevator go straight to Hell or do I switch in the lobby?
Caroline: Well, um, listen I'm really tired. And I have to get up early because I'm... Going to bed early.
Caroline: Richard, why is all your furniture in the hall?
Richard: We had to pee.
Annie: Hey you didn't stay till the end of my New Years Eve Party.
Caroline: Sorry, I just couldn't make a three day commitment.
Caroline: Richard, I can't believe we brought a baby into this world.
Richard: Well, Vicki did most of the work.
Richard: My fortune cookie's empty... That's also the title of my autobiography.
Richard: Is she gone yet?
Caroline: Yeah, Richard, she left.
Annie: Give your mommy a kiss... It hurts to talk like that.
Richard: Mother, buy a gun it will be faster.
Caroline: But not nearly as much fun.
Annie: Happy birthday Tightass.
Richard: Thanks a lot, Tart.
Richard: 'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, there were lots of mice playing, 'cuz the cat was dead.
Caroline: Don't judge me. You drink from the toilet bowl.
Richard: So, Donna, do you miss Rome?
Donna: Oh, no. All that traffic and noise and pollution, and rude people.
Richard: Oh, I can see why you moved to New York.
Richard: So, no-one liked my paintings in Rome, either. But it was just as well. After Julia left me, I couldn't paint anymore.
Caroline: She broke your heart?
Richard: No, she broke my paint brush! Of course she broke my heart. I mean I was in love with her, you know. Sincere amore. The kind of love you never have to question.
Jimmy: I love Cats. I've seen it 13 times.
Annie: Oh, that's really sad.
Woman: Mr. Karinski, 30 years old and you've spent the last 8 months coloring things.
Richard: Yes, my mother's very proud also.
Caroline: You know, you could try being nicer to him.
Richard: Yeah, and I could watch Tori Spelling play Medea. But life is just too short.
Del: No way, Phil could never afford to buy her those things on what I paid him.
Charlie: Probably bought it with the money he was embezzling.
Del: What?.
Charlie: He was embezzling, skimming off the top, robbing you blind, spanking the monkey. Oh wait, that's something else.
