Alan B'Stard: If your IQ was any lower, you'd need watering.
Alan: Why should we, the country that produced Shakespeare, Christopher Wren, and those are just the people on our banknotes for Christ's sake, cower down to the countries that produced Hitler, Napoleon, the Mafia, and the the the, the the the, the the the Smurfs.
Liberal Democrat MP: I should like to point out on behalf of the Liberal Democrats, That although we are very nice people we have absolutely no idea how to run a country.
Alan: You're having an affair with him, aren't you?
Sarah: Of course I'm not, Alan. I mean he's fat and flabby, and, uh, he's got horrible greasy hair.
Alan: Didn't stop you with Nigel Lawson, did it?