Quotes from Johnny Galecki movies and TV shows

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The Desperation Emanation - S4-E5

Leonard: What about you, Stuart? You have a girlfriend yet?
Stuart: Oh, yeah. Yeah. I met her at Comic-Con, the one place in the world where saying I own a comic bookstore is an actual pickup line.

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The Desperation Emanation - S4-E5

Leonard: All right. Well, let me see if I can explain your situation using physics. What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed.
Leonard: There ya go.

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The Bat Jar Conjecture - S1-E13

Sheldon: At this point, I should inform you that I intend to form my own team and destroy the very bonds that bind your very matter together and reduce the resulting particulate chaos to tears!
Leonard: Thanks for the heads up.
Sheldon: You're welcome. [Turns to leave.] One more thing,
Leonard: Yes?
Sheldon: It's on, bitch.

The Dumpling Paradox - S1-E7

Sheldon: Every Saturday morning since we've lived in this apartment, I have awakened at 6:15, poured myself a bowl of cereal, added a quarter cup of 2% milk, sat on that end of that couch, turned on BBC America and watched Doctor Who.
Leonard: Penny's still sleeping.
[Sheldon stares at Penny for some time.]
Sheldon: Every Saturday since we've lived in this apartment.

Pilot - S1-E1

Sheldon: You're not done with her, are you?
Leonard: Our babies will be smart AND beautiful.
Sheldon: Not to mention imaginary.

Pilot - S1-E1

Leonard: We need to widen our circle.
Sheldon: I have a very wide circle. I have 212 friends on MySpace.
Leonard: Yes, and you've never met one of them.
Sheldon: That's the beauty of it.

The Guitarist Amplification - S3-E7

Penny: Wow, Sheldon. I had no idea you made a board game.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, Research Lab is more than just a board game. As it says in the box, "the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real."
Leonard Hofstadter: We must not be playing it right.

Sheldon: At my age, do you know how I'm most likely to die?
Leonard: At the hands of your roommate?
Sheldon: An accident.
Leonard: That's how I'm gonna make it look.

The Zazzy Substitution - S4-E3

Sheldon: May I point out that for eight long months, I suffered in silence as your female companion filled our apartment with her off key country music caterwauling, the unappetizing spectacle of grinding a pommel stone against her calloused feet in our living room, and night after night of uninformative TV documentaries about the Jersey Shore.
Leonard: Suffered in silence?
Sheldon: Yes, and I would expect you to do the same.
Leonard: Really? SILENCE!?

The White Asparagus Triangulation - S2-E9

[Sheldon points to a computer.]
Sheldon: Tell me what you see here.
Leonard: The blunt instrument that will be the focus of my murder trial?

The Loobenfeld Decay - S1-E10

Sheldon: I was analyzing our lie and I believe we're in danger of Penny seeing through the ruse.
Leonard: How?
Sheldon: Simple: If she were to log on to SoCal physics group.org forward slash activities forward slash other, scroll down to seminars, download the PDF schedule, and look for the seminar on molecular positronium, well then, bippity boppity boo, our pants are metaphorically on fire!

Leonard: You know all those terrible things bullies used to do to us? I get it.

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Howard: Did you hear about the accident in the radiation lab?
Leonard: No, what happened?
Howard: They were injecting rats with radioactive isotopes and one of the techs got bit.
Raj: Did he get superpowers?
Howard: No, he got four stitches and a shot.
Raj: Oh. That's disappointing.

The Loobenfeld Decay - S1-E10

Leonard: I already lied. Why cover it up with another lie?
Sheldon Cooper: Because your lie was painfully transparent, whereas my lie is exquisitely convoluted. While you were sleeping, I was busy weaving an un-unravelable web.

The Classified Materials Turbulence - S2-E22

Penny: What the hell is that?
Wolowitz: Meatloaf.
Leonard: What was it doing on the ceiling?
Wolowitz: That's classified.

The Hofstadter Isotope - S2-E20

Leonard: Oh hey, Stuart. This is Penny. She's looking for some comic books.
Stuart: Oh, really? Blink twice if you're here against your will.

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The Comic Book Store Regeneration - S8-E15

Raj: Wait, hang on. If you're really Nathan Fillion, what's the line from Firefly about your bonnet?
Customer: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.
Leonard: That's it. That's the line.
Raj: Although, I knew the line, doesn't make me Nathan Fillion.
Customer: Do you want the picture or not?
Raj: I want a picture with Nathan Fillion.
Customer: How about a picture with a guy who looks like Nathan Fillion, but a little more annoyed than Nathan Fillion usually is?
Leonard: What do you think?
Raj: Eh, it's good enough for Facebook.

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The Lizard-Spock Expansion - S2-E8

Sheldon: What happened?
Leonard: Howard's at the Mars Rover lab. He says he's in trouble. Defcon 5.
Sheldon: Defcon 5? Well, there's no need to rush.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: Defcon 5 means no danger. Defcon 1 is a crisis.
Leonard: How can 5 not be worse than 1?
Raj: Yeah, Star Trek V, worse than I.
Sheldon: Okay, first of all, that's a comparison of quality, not intensity. Secondly, Star Trek I is orders-of-magnitude worse than Star Trek V.
Raj: Are you joking? Star Trek V is the standard against which all badness is measured.
Sheldon: No, no, no. Star Trek V has specific failures in writing and direction, while Star Trek I fails across the board, art direction, costuming, music, sound editing.
Leonard: Can we just forget I said Defcon and go?
Raj: Star Trek V!
Sheldon: All right, will you at least stipulate that Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home is in-arguably the best?
Raj: I have three words for you. Wrath of Khan.

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The White Asparagus Triangulation - S2-E9

Sheldon: Hi Stephanie, I'm sorry I'm late but your companion left me the most undecipherable invitation
Leonard: What invitation?
Sheldon: [From note.] "We're going to the movies" What movie? What theater? What time? If you wanted to make it impossible to find you, you couldn't have done a better job.
Leonard: Oh I could have.

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