Quotes from Steve Zahn movies and TV shows

Mike: You have to let go of everything... in order to move on.

Sue Claussen: I wrote you a Haiku. Do you wanna hear it?
Mike: Sure.
Sue Claussen: Mike, oh Mike, my man Keeps showing up like UPS Sue, you're such a bitch.
Mike: ...I like it.

Hank Rafferty: What the hell are you doing here!?
Earl Montgomery: I work here! What the hell are you doing here!?
Hank Rafferty: You little punk, I spent six months in prison because of you!
Earl Montgomery: Six months? That's all they gave you, six months!?

Hank Rafferty: This has nothing to do with you! It's personal!
Earl Montgomery: Damn right it's personal. White boy back there called me 'monkey'. Drive!

Hank Rafferty: Look! I am trying to remain calm... Because I know that if I hit you, I will never see the light of day again. Which right now seems almost worth it. SO DON'T PUSH IT!
Earl Montgomery: You threatening me?
Hank Rafferty: Yeah! Yeah, I'm threatening ya!

Hank Rafferty: You're under arrest.
Earl Montgomery: Oh, no. I ain't under arrest. You're under arrest. I'm arresting yo ass! Citizen's arrest. You're under arrest for illegal false arrest!

Earl Montgomery: On one of them papers it said, CIA heist.
Hank Rafferty: And?
Earl Montgomery: That's all I saw, CIA.
Hank Rafferty: That's it?
Earl Montgomery: Hey, look man, I said I got peripheral vision, not X-ray vision, man.

Detective Frank McDuff: Sorry about Charlie, Hank. He was a good man.
Henry Rafferty: I want in on the investigation.
Lieutenant Washington: Hank I think it's best if we let McDuff handle this in his own way. It's a complicated situation.
Henry Rafferty: Wh-What's so complicated about it? My partner's dead and I just want the son of a bitch that pulled the trigger.

Charlie Reed: How long's it take to make a taco?
Hank Rafferty: Two minutes. But it takes 20 to convince them I'm not immigration, to get the cook up from the basement.

Dispatch: Must've been a power glitch.
Charlie Reed: Want to take a peek anyway?
Hank Rafferty: Why is it that on these nice quiet nights you get so restless? I mean this is a great opportunity for us to connect, you know? We can open up with one another and really talk. You need a hug?
Charlie Reed: Shut up.

Hank Rafferty: Need some help?
Earl Montgomery: You asking me if I need some help, or if... If I'm stealing this car?
Hank Rafferty: Okay, fine. Are you stealing this car?
Earl Montgomery: Does it look like I'm stealing this damn car?
Hank Rafferty: Little bit.
Earl Montgomery: Why? Because I'm black? White man has his hand in the car, you probably give him a Good Samaritan award, huh? Figure he's just going around turning off people's lights.

Hank Rafferty: You're in dangerous grounds here, bub. I'd be real careful what comes out of your mouth next.
Earl Montgomery: Oh, you wanna hear what comes out of my mouth next? You're... A...fucking...pig!

Glenn Michaels: Oh, man, if I wasn't stoned there is no way you would have talked me into this.

Glenn Michaels: What are you going to do with a hatchet?

Jack Foley: Take your sunglasses off.
Glenn Michaels: I see better with 'em on, man.
Jack Foley: You don't take them off, I'm gonna throw them off the overpass while they're still on your head. Go wait in the car.
Glenn Michaels: Um, we're in civilization now so you can ease up just a little bit.
Jack Foley: I'm sorry! I'd like you to wait in the car please. Take her, put her in the back.
Glenn Michaels: Okay... in the trunk?
Jack Foley: In THE backseat! in THE backseat.

Cliff: Your situational awareness kinda sucks.

Wayne: So, Coach, how's your parole coming?
Coach Norton: Not good. The victim's whiny family keeps complaining.
J.D.: God! What is their problem?

Wayne: So Darren tells me you're a psychologist.
Judith: That's right.
Wayne: I'm in a related field.
Judith: Really? What is it?
Wayne: Pest and rodent removal.
Judith: How is that related?
Wayne: We both help people.

Judith: I don't want your shitty old house or your dead grandmother.
Wayne: I'll throw J.D. in. He doesn't look like much but girls call him the human power tool.
J.D.: It's true.

Wayne: You're not gay... you're just confused.
J.D.: Yes, I am gay. Oh HEY! Do you wanna be gay with me?
Wayne: No.