Quotes from Stephen Fry movies and TV shows

Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5

General Melchett: Captain Blackadder?
Blackadder: Yes sir?
General Melchett: You are now head of Operation Winkle.
Blackadder: Thank you, sir.
General Melchett: Darling?
Captain Darling: Yes sir?
General Melchett: You are a complete arse.

Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5

General Melchett: Well, of course they are, Blackadder - directed according to the Grand Plan.
Blackadder: Would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until every-one's dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig and their tortoise, Alan?
General Melchett: Great Scott! Even you know it! Guard! Guard! Bolt all the doors; hammer large pieces of crooked wood against all the windows! This security leak is far worse than we'd imagined!

Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5

Blackadder: Sir, is there something the matter?
General Melchett: You're damned right there's something the matter! Something sinister and something grotesque. And what's worse is that it's going on right under my very nose!
Blackadder: Sir, your moustache is lovely.

Chains - S2-E6

[Melchett offers an idea to relieve his and Blackadder's boredom.]
Lord Melchett: Well, perhaps some pleasant word game?
Blackadder: Yes, all right. Make a sentence out of the following words: face, sodding, your, shut.

Plan D: Private Plane - S4-E4

Blackadder: I was wondering whether, after being tortured by the most vicious sadist in the German army, I might be allowed a week's leave to recuperate.
Melchett: Excellent idea - your commanding officer would have to be stark raving mad to refuse you.
Blackadder: You are my commanding officer.
Melchett: Well?
Blackadder: Can I have a weeks leave to recuperate sir?
Melchett: Certainly not.
Blackadder: Thank you sir.
Melchett: Baaah!

Plan A: Captain Cook - S4-E1

Melchett: Now, Field Marshal Haig has formulated a brilliant tactical plan to ensure final victory in the field
Blackadder: Would this brilliant plan involve us climbing over the top of our trenches and walking, very slowly towards the enemy?
Darling: How did you know that Blackadder? It's classified information
Blackadder: It's the same plan we used last time, and the seventeen times before that
Melchett: E-e-exactly! And that is what is so brilliant about it. It will catch the watchful Hun totally off guard. Doing exactly what we've done eighteen times before will be the last thing they expect us to do this time.

Plan E: General Hospital - S4-E5

Darling: A German spy is giving away every one of our battle plans.
Melchett: You look surprised, Blackadder.
Blackadder: I certainly am sir. I didn't realize we had any battle plans.
Melchett: Of course we've got plans! How else do you think our battles are directed?
Blackadder: Our battles are directed, sir?
Melchett: Of course they are. Directed accoring to the grand plan.
Blackadder: Oh I see. And would that be the plan to continue with total slaughter until everybody's dead except Field Marshal Haig, Lady Haig, and their tortoise, Alan?

Head - S2-E2

Melchett: Grey, I suspect, your Majesty.
Queen Elizabeth: I think you'll find they were orange, Lord Melchett.
Melchett: Grey is more usual, Ma'am.
Queen Elizabeth: Who's Queen?
Melchett: As you say, Majesty. There were these magnificent orange elephants.

Potato - S2-E3

[Not having a present for Melchett, Blackadder offers a bottle of Baldrick's urine.]
Blackadder: There was one thing ma'am, a fine wine from the far east. A most delicious beverage.
Queenie: Have a taste boys; tell us what you think.
Sir Walter: It certainly has plenty of nose.
Melchett: Oh yes, this is very familiar.
Blackadder: You'll be delighted to hear there's an inexhaustable supply of the stuff.

Oscar Wilde: I do believe in anything, provided it is incredible. That's why I intend to die a Catholic, though I never could live as one.

Oscar Wilde: What a wonderfully wicked life you lead, you boys.

Oscar Wilde: I feel like a city that's been under siege for twenty years, and suddenly the gates are thrown open.