Quotes from Lily Tomlin movies and TV shows

Roger: You'll have to do it.
Edwina Cutwater: Do what?
Roger: You know, take it out.
Edwina Cutwater: Take what out?
Roger: The little fireman.
Edwina Cutwater: The little fireman?
Roger: You know, my penis.
Edwina Cutwater: How dare you say penis to a dead person.

Edwina Cutwater: Well I don't see why you're getting so upset about all this.
Roger: Because I want my body back. And I want my freedom and my privacy. And most of all, I'd like to be able to take a leak without being fondled.
Edwina Cutwater: You may find this hard to believe, but 'fondling you' while you make pee-pee is not my idea of a good time.

Edwina Cutwater: You are rude, crude, and thoroughly unattractive.

Edwina Cutwater: You know, you don't have to speak out loud. I can hear your thoughts.
Roger: Great, just what I've always wanted.

Rose Shelton: I hate my job... I hate shopping... I hate New York in June. How about you?
Sadie Ratliff: I hate grits, and I hate men who smell like beer and bean dip, and I hate making love in the back of recreational vehicles!

Sadie Shelton: Do you want one of the board members to see you? They'll say you're a sniffling hysterical pre-periodic twit.
Rose Shelton: I have a right to my own feelings Sadie and I am not a twit. I may be pre-periodic and I may be hysterical. So what?
Sadie Shelton: So there are drugs for those things and we make most of them.

Rose Shelton: I had other plans this evening.
Sadie Shelton: I know what your plans were, to hold up in your room and make love to the pastry cart. Now put down the éclair and get down there.

Sadie Ratliff: That's what the French call a bedet.
Rose Ratliff: Well, those French must be taller than me.

Elle Reid: I always liked women, I just didn't like myself.

Sage: You know, you have a real anger problem.
Elle Reid: No, no, I don't. I have an asshole problem. When people are assholes, I get angry.

Sage: Everyone's gonna talk about it at school.
Elle Reid: What's he gonna say, 'Sage's grandma beat me up?'.

Elle Reid: You need to be able to say 'screw you' sometimes.

Elle Reid: Love does not conquer everything.

Elle Reid: Don't make me fall, I could break a hip.

Violet Newstead: What are you, a man or a mouse? I mean, a woman or a wouse?

Violet Newstead: What could we use to keep Hart quiet?
Judy Bernly: Blackmail?
Violet Newstead: Blackmail, oh that sounds good! What could we get on him...?
Judy Bernly: A sex scandal! Take a picture of him in bed with a prositute.
Doralee Rhodes: No, who'd care?
Violet Newstead: Yeah, Hart would just buy up all the copies and then distribute them as Christmas cards.

Violet Newstead: Oh, God. They know about the rat poison. I might as well just turn myself in.
Doralee Rhodes: Violet, it was an accident.
Violet Newstead: I'm a murderer.
Judy Bernly: No, you're not.
Violet Newstead: I'm a murderess. I'm gonna go to the pen. My poor kids. I'm gonna lose my job.
Judy Bernly: Violet, stop this.
Violet Newstead: I'm no fool. I've killed the boss, you think they're not gonna fire me for a thing like that?

Doralee Rhodes: That's just great! We just waltz into the hospital and say, "We're sorry, we made a mistake." Well, maybe they'll give us Hart's body in exchange.
Violet Newstead: There is no need to get sarcastic.

Violet Newstead: One thing you should know about dear old Roz... She's the eyes, ears, nose, and throat of Mr. Hart. Anything she hears, he hears.
Judy Bernly: You mean she's a... a company spy?
Violet Newstead: I wouldn't exactly say that, I'd just say that if you want to gossip in the ladies' room, I'd check under the stalls, first, for her shoes.

Rhonda Johnson: Oh, it's big. It's movin' like monkeys.