Roland T. Flakfizer: Dear Lillian, soon I hope to take you on a Carribbean cruise, where we can hold hands on a soft summer's evening and watch that old Jamaican moon. Why that old Jamaican will be mooning us, I have no idea.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Please, call me what everyone else calls me: "Your Royal Sex Machine."
Roland T. Flakfizer: If there's anything I can ever do for you... forget it, because I don't do those kinds of things.
Jacques: Society's to blame.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Too much violence in the movies.
Rocco Melonchek: It's my environment.
Jacques: We were carrying out orders.
Roland T. Flakfizer: It's the Japanese. They're buying up everything.
Rocco Melonchek: Did we leave anything out?
Roland T. Flakfizer: I didn't know the meaning of the word "no," but he had it down pretty good.
Roland T. Flakfizer: And that spells cash with a capital.
Jacques: K.
Roland T. Flakfizer: You should go back to school.
Jacques: I hated teaching.
Roland T. Flakfizer: So, do you enjoy being a cab driver?
Rocco Melonchek: Nah. As soon as I get my driver's license, I'm quitting.
Roland T. Flakfizer: I'm all out of American currency. Here, take a fistful of Romanian fifties.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Miss, these seats are dreadful. They're facing the stage.
Roland T. Flakfizer: And she looks like she's about fifteen.
Lazlo: No, no, no.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Okay, fourteen then. In fact I know she's fourteen, because I was dating her a year ago.
Usherette: Five and six.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Eleven. Now it's your turn: twenty-five and sixty-seven.
Volare: Do you realise what I was doing at the age of seven?
Roland T. Flakfizer: I can imagine and you must be thankful you didn't go blind.
Volare: I was dancing professionally.
Roland T. Flakfizer: Whatever you call it. Flogging the carrot, polishing the cuestick, choking the chicken, clearing the snorkel.
John Shooter: You strike me as the kind of guy who's on the lookout for a head he can knock off with a shovel.
John Shooter: Thought you didn't smoke.
Mort: I took it up recently, for my health.
Mort: What do you want? You wanna kill me? Why don't you just do it? Just kill me.
John Shooter: No, sir.
Leo: Ever heard of realeffingdeal.com?
Simmons: Oh, you must be talking about that site with Game Boy level security.
Simmons: 75 years of alien research which points to one inescapable fact: the Transformers, they've been here a long, long time.
