Danny Vermin: I enjoy collecting protection money, putting whores to work, loan-sharking. I enjoy planting bombs in people's cars. These are a few of my favorite things.
Johnny Dangerously: You know, Danny, I think you get too much sugar in your diet.
Quotes from Joe Piscopo movies and TV shows
Danny Vermin: You shouldn't hang me on a hook, Johnny. My father hung me on a hook once. Once.
Johnny Dangerously: Alright here it is. Johnny Dangerously is going legit.
Member of Dundee's gang: Le-what?
Johnny Dangerously: Legit.
Charley: Le-why?
Danny Vermin: I'll tell you le-why. Because Johnny Dangerously is really Johnny Kelly, brother of the D.A., Tommy Kelly.
Danny Vermin: You shouldn't grab me, Johnny. My mother grabbed me once... once.
Danny Vermin: You shouldn't have shot me, Johnny. My grandmother shot me once.
Danny Vermin: Dames are put on this Earth to weaken us, drain our energy, laugh at us when they see us naked.