Daryl Van Horne: I see men, sixty, seventy years old breaking their balls to stay fit! What for? When I die, I want to be sick, not healthy.
Quotes from Jack Nicholson movies and TV shows - page 6 of 6
Alexandra Medford: Who are you?
Daryl Van Horne: Just your average, horny little devil.
Daryl Van Horne: Well, if that's how you feel about it, then that's how you feel about it. Is that how you feel about it?
Daryl Van Horne: You haven't seen any snowy egrets around here, have you?
Alexandra Medford: No.
Daryl Van Horne: Me either. Not that I'd know a snowy egret if I were pissing on one. You want some lunch?
Alexandra Medford: I think it's a little late in the season.
Daryl Van Horne: For lunch?
Alexandra Medford: No, pissing on birds.
Will Randall: What do you do?
Laura: Why do you care?
Will Randall: I don't. I was just making polite conversation.
Laura: I'd rather not discuss what I do.
Will Randall: You know, I think I understand what you're like now. You're very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you're beautiful, but you want them to be interested in you because you're you. The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you're not very interesting. You're rude, you're hostile, you're sullen, you're withdrawn. I know you want someone to look past all that at the real person underneath but the only reason anyone would bother to look past all that is because you're beautful. Ironic, isn't it? In an odd way you're your own problem.
[While urinating in the men's room, Will Randall turns and pees on Stewart's suede shoes.]
Will Randall: I'm just marking my territory.
Stewart Swinton: Oh Nice. Suede.
Will Randall: Asparagus.
Will Randall: Roy, get on the phone with your list of authors and ask them how they'd like to join with us in a publishing house of their own. Tell them that we're leaving MacLeish House because we heard that the new unofficial policy is to push everything that sells, and this will get them, bury everything that doesn't take off like a rocket. Tell them we got enough investors to help get it off the ground.
Roy: Two things.
Will Randall: Go.
Roy: First, how many investors do we have?
Will Randall: I don't know. I haven't called anybody yet.
Roy: But you want me to say it anyway?
Will Randall: Yes.
Roy: Second thing. Is any of this true?
Will Randall: Not yet.
Roy: You're my god.
Mary: Is the worm turning, Mr. Randall?
Will Randall: The worm has turned and it is now packing an Uzi, Mary.
Mary: It's about fucking time, sir.
Will Randall: I think I'm dangerous. Especially at night.
Will Randall: I've been offered a choice between no job and a job no one would want.
Will Randall: You are such a polished ass kisser it takes my breath away.
Stewart Swinton: Hey, I kiss 'em like I see 'em.
Will Randall: How the fuck can you drink tequila this early?