Quotes from Dane Cook movies and TV shows

Vince: Do you know what this is? [Holds up a Sharpie.]
Zack: Yes, that is a ten times larger than life replica of your penis.

Vince: Well, I guess I can get a little anal...
Zack: Actually, I hear he gets alot.

Cam Wexler: Shit! Shit shit shit... pardon my French.
Charlie: I speak a little French and that sounded like "shit."

Cam Wexler: Why teeth?
Charlie: Same reason as every other dentist. Couldn't get into med school.
Cam Wexler: That's funny.
Charlie: My parents didn't think so.

Charlie: My entire life, I've been nothing more than a stepping-stone to every relationship I've ever been in. There's always been a next guy who's better than me. For once in my life, I want to be that next guy. I've never said this to anybody before in my whole life. Cam... I love you. I love you, Cam.

Cam Wexler: Why do you want to take me out to dinner?
Charlie: You look hungry.

Mr. Smith: If you're planning on doing anything...
Mr. Brooks: We're both aware of the rules Mr. Smith, but I feel I must warn you that if you enjoy killing, it can become very addictive; it can ruin your life.

Tank: [sitting watching "Ghost" and crying.] God, I'm a fag.

Tank: The only funny thing that will ever come out of you, is me!

Tank: I tried like a motherfucker to follow you in. But this door does like a lock thing when you are inside. Anyway here is what I'm thinking, we start with a blow job. I turn what most girls think is a chore into a training session.

Tank: How do I bump into her?
Craig: She's a high school English teacher.
Tank: I can't really hang around high school these days, unfortunately.

Tank: I would kick you in the ass, but my foot might get sucked in.
Alexis: Well I would kick you in the dick, but my foot might get Herpes.

Tank: Whats the plan for tonight? Bring this girl back here. Pop open a bottle of chloroform. Insert tab A in slot B, repeat as necessary.

Tank: How was I suppose to know it was your sister? How was I suppose to know? It was dark, I was drunk and I thought it was you. Oh she's pregnant, too? You tell your sister, I will make a donation to planned parenthood in her honor.

Dusty Crophopper: I've flown thousands and thousands of miles, and have never gone anywhere.

Dusty Crophopper: You said I wasn't cut out for this. I should have listened to you.
Dottie: Dusty, if you had listened to me, I would never have forgiven myself. Skip may have been wrong about what he did, but he was right about you. You're not a cropduster, you're a racer, and now the whole world knows it.

Franz: You are an inspiration to all of us.
Dusty Crophopper: All of us?
Franz: Yeah, all of us who want to do more than just what we are built for.