Homer: I can't believe we're paying for something we can see on TV for free.
Quotes from Dan Castellaneta movies and TV shows - page 2 of 8
Grandpa: Homer, what the hell are you doing?!
Homer: risking my life to save people I hate for reasons I'm not quite sure why!
Marge Simpson: How did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?
Homer Simpson: Spider-Pig, Spider-Pig does whatever a Spider-Pig does... Can he swing from a web? No he can't, he's a pig. Look out, he is the Spider-Pig.
Marge Simpson: I hate being late.
Homer Simpson: Well I hate going. Why can't I worship the Lord in my own way: by praying like hell on my deathbed.
Marge Simpson: Homer, they can hear you inside!
Homer Simpson: Relax. Those pious morons are too busy talking to their phony-baloney God.
[Stony stares from the congregation.]
Homer Simpson: Hey, how you doing? Peace be with you. Praise Jebus.
Homer: We have a great life here in Alaska, and we're never going back to America again!
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Tree House of Horror X - S11-E4
[The Simpsons are driving down a road as fast as possible.]
Homer: Dear God, it's Homer. If you really love me you'll save my life now.
[The gas needle immediately drops to empty and the car stops.]
Homer: D'oh.
Homer's brain: It's simple, just use reverse psychology.
Homer: Reverse psychology? That sounds too complicated.
Homer's brain: Alright, don't use reverse psychology.
Homer: Alright, I will!
TV Announcer: The Continental Soccer Association is coming to Springfield. It's all here: fast kicking, low scoring. And ties? You bet.
Bart: Hey Dad, how come you've never taken us to see a soccer game?
Homer: I don't know.
TV Announcer: You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Arriaga, Arriaga II, Barriaga, Aruglia, and Pizzozza.
Homer: Oh, I've never heard of those people.
TV Announcer: And they'll all be signing autographs.
Homer: Woohoo!
TV Announcer: This match will determine once and for all which nation is the greatest on Earth. Mexico or Portugal.
Grade School Confidential - S8-E19
Maude Flanders: Excuse me, Edna. I don't think we're talking about love here. We are talking about S-E-X in front of the C-H-I-L-D-R-E-N!
Krusty: Sex Cauldron? I thought they closed that place down?
The Simpsons Christmas Special: Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire - S1-E1
Homer: [buying a chewtoy for Maggie.] It says it's for dogs, but she can't read.
Homer: Weaseling out of things is important for kids to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
[Homer is at Moe's Bar talking about when his jaw was broken.]
Homer: And when I couldn't talk, I learned to listen! You can learn so much if you just listen once in a while.
Lenny: Let's try it!
[They listen and hear Moe on the phone in a back room.]
Moe: Hello, uh, I'd like to arrange for an escort, please? TO WHERE? How about orgasm-ville, ya dumb - hey, hello? Hello?
Homer: Aw, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.
Homer's brain: But Homer, twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's brain: Money can be exchanged for good and services.
Homer: Woo hoo!
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