Lister: I'm going to pass the exams and become an officer. Rimmer: Oh, come on, wise up, Lister! Lister: You'll have to salute me, Rimmer! You'll have to call me "sir!" You'll have to give me Kochanski! And me cigarettes! Rimmer: And on that day, Lister, Satan will be skating to work.
[Rimmer is drunk.] Lister: What time is it? Rimmer: [Crawls over to the alarm clock.] Saturday. Lister: Is that the best you can do? Rimmer: There are some numbers next to it but they could be anything.