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Lamont: You're a dirty old man.
Fred: And I'm a be one until I'm a dead old man.

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Nez: Whoa. Hey. The bitch stick? Are you kidding me?
Brumley: What, I'm just trying to make the shot.
Nez: Okay. Not with this you're not. Okay, Brum, have your balls dropped?
Brum: Yeah.
Nez: Yeah? Okay, now play like you got some fucking semen in your sack, Brum.
Brum: Okay.
Nez: Okay? All right.

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Finn: I mean, school hasn't even started yet, and, guys, correct me if I'm wrong, but you are the official front runner for the Freshman Numb-Nut of the Year award, right, guys?

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Let Sleeping Drakes Lie - S6-E18

Woody: Can I pour you a draft, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: A little early, isn't it Woody?
Woody: For a beer?
Norm: No, for stupid questions.

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Paint Your Office - S6-E6

Woody: What's going on, Mr. Peterson?
Norm: Let's talk about what's going in Mr. Peterson.

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Creamed Corn: Stick with me, baby, I'll have you fartin' through silk.

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Black Dynamite: I'm declaring war on anybody who sells drugs in our community.
Chocolate Giddy-Up: But Black Dynamite, I sell drugs to the community!

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Black Dynamite: Mama, you can bet yo sweet ass and half a titty whoever ordered the hit on you has already got the pigs in they back pocket.

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Bandit: [To Big and Little Enos - laughing] It must be a bitch getting a size 68 extra fat, and a 12 dwarf.

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Bandit: Why do you want me to go to Texarkana to get all that beer anyway?
Little Enos: It ain't never been done, hotshit.
Bandit: Watch your mouth little lady.

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Andrew: I love the law.

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Kaffee: Did you order the code red?
Jessup: You're goddamn right I did!

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Ty Plumber: I thought his name was Billy Autrey.
Finn: Oh, it was, until we changed it to the most country bumpkin name we could come up with...Beuter Perkins.

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Bandit: Why go to Texarkana to get bootleg liquor?
Little Enos: Because he's thirsty. Dummy.

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Cletus: Hoss, you ain't gonna believe this, but that crazy some-bitch tried to drive up under my truck.

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Jack MacReady: Where is the Mr. Pibb? I told your secretary to pack Mr. Pibb. It's the only Coke I like. Goddamn Brenda exploding like a water balloon and worms driving my friends around like they're goddamn skin-cars. People are spitting acid at me, turning you into cottage cheese, and now there's no fucking goddamn Mr. Pibb!
Bill Pardy: Jesus Christ, Jack. Let me get right on it.

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Mr. Capadino: I want HER! The one who hit the ball.
Dottie: She's good, She's real good. She just didn't pitch today because she pitched yesterday.

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Willie: Bright lights fry your brain? I guess that's why you forgot your hat.
Eugene: I just played my first barrel house. I'm a blues man now.
Willie: Blues man, shit. Only one blues man in town tonight, that was me. Where you learn to play them pussy chords, in music school?
Eugene: Only one school. I played the chords I learned on the road and I kicked ass. People felt it, so don't give me that garbage.
Willie: People felt whiskey. Same as I'm feeling right now. And just about to feel some more.

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Willie: Hey, look at that train over there.You ain't gonna never get that lost song if you can't make the train talk. Yeah, the way you playing, it's gonna take you 10 years.
Eugene: Well, maybe I'll have to do what you did. Go to the crossroads and strike a deal with the devil.

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Man: You coming to play? In a black man's juke joint? You must have balls this big!

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