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Dr. Yap - S2-E6

The Prince: Hello there, my bothers. I almost didn't see you. I am...the Prince of Persuasia! There are three steps to persuading women. Step number one: Trap your princess. Physically corner her in a room and eventually, your life. Step two: Insult your princess. Insult her face, her body, her brain, her car. The lower her self-esteem, the higher your chances, bro. It's been biologically proven, by me. Step three: Brag. Not lying, but close. Make up a story about how you single-handedly murdered a wild animal. Your story is going to release a hormone, deep inside her body, called "Insatia." It makes women ovulate. For sex!

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Billy Rosewood: How'd it go?
Axel Foley: What would you guys say if I told you there was a six-foot blonde working here?
Billy: Witnesses reported a six-foot blonde at the Adriano's robbery.
John Taggart: Axel, this isn't Detroit you know. Six-foot blonde women grow on trees in California.
Billy: He's right. They're everywhere.

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Axel Foley: Well, sir, you have 25 unpaid parking tickets and it's your car, so we have to take you in.
Sidney Bernstein: Wait a second, I've got an idea. Is there something that I have, in this office, that I could hand to you and that would, make you...kinda forget that you're holding those, uh, little pink tickets there?
Axel: What are you trying to say, sir?
Sidney: Like, you'd be holding something in that hand, and this hand you'd forget about. This hand you'd be concentrating on. That hand you'd go, what, what did I have there? I don't even remember.
Axel: What, you mean, like, if I had um... $200 in this hand?
Sidney: Ouch! Let go of my arm. $200? Ouch! Please, I'm robbing you. That's what I'm doing. Here's one, here's two. They're real crisp.

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Axel Foley: Boss. Chief ain't chewed it all. You still got some ass.

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Axel Foley: [In the backseat of the BHPD police car after being arrested] You know, this is the cleanest and nicest police car I've been in, in my entire life. This thing is nicer than my apartment. Officers, if we see any, like um, movie stars, could you all stop and point them out to me? I never seen no shit like that.
Officer: That's enough talking, pal.
Axel: OK, that's cool.

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Serge: I see you look at this piece.
Axel: Yeah, I was wondering how much something like this went for.
Serge: $130,000.
Axel: Get the fuck out of here!
Serge: No, I cannot! It's serious because it's very important piece.
Axel: Have you ever sold one of these?
Serge: Sold it yesterday to a collector.
Axel: Get the fuck out of here!
Serge: No, I'm serious. I sell it myself.
Axel: [Chuckles]

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Axel Foley: I haven't seen Jenny in years. What's she up to?
Mikey Tandino: Oh, she's doin' great. She's a manager of this art gallery. The Hollis Benton Art Gallery, up in Beverly Hills. It's like a world famous place, you know. You ever hear of it?
Axel Foley: Yeah, I buy all my art there.

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The Guy for This - S5-E3

Kim Wexler: I know $5,000 isn't as much as it use to be back in 1974, and...and we do understand how inconvenient this must be. So, as a gesture of goodwill, Mesa Verde has just increased your buy-out to $18,000.
Everett Acker: $18,000?
Kim: That's right.
Everett: Well, nobody's ever explained it to me like that before. $18,000. That's a lot of money. I bet you with that, I could buy a big old mansion and a swimming pool. Do me a favor, will you? I'm gonna spread my legs out, like this, and just to finish it off, why don't you give me a swift kick in the balls?

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50% Off - S5-E2

Sticky: Fifty percent off.
Ron: Dude, that's almost half.

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Both Bill and Ted: It's Colonel Oats! No way!
Colonel Oats: Gentlemen! Welcome to hell.
Ted: No way.
Colonel Oats: What!?!
Ted: No way...sir?
Colonel Oats: You two will do whatever I tell you to do from now on. Is that clear?
Bill: Yes, sir. Dude!
Colonel Oats: What!?!
Bill: Yes! Dude! Sir!
Colonel Oats: What!?!
Bill: Yes, sir! Sir! Dude!
Colonel Oats: Get down and give me infinity. Stupid, pathetic, craven little cretins.
Bill: Dude, there's no way I can possibly do infinity push-ups.
Ted: Maybe if he lets us do it girlie style.

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Ted: Please enjoy the first three movements of...
Both Bill and Ted: That Which Binds Us Through Time, The Chemical, Physical, and Biological Nature of Love, An Exploration of the Meaning of Meaning.
Bill: Part One.

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Narrator: Ready for a story about superheroes? Ugh, more TV superheroes. Just what the world needs. Be honest, have you hung yourselves yet? Or, what if I told you this was actually a story about super-zeroes? Losers. Achingly pathetic meta-human goose eggs. How about it? Ready to feel better about your own miserable lives for the next hour or so? Follow me. Our story begins, as such stories do, with a visit to a Nazi. I'm sorry. Cobbler.

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Voyage of the Damned - S3-E16

Mr. Copper: To repeat, I am Mr. Copper, the ship's historian, and I shall be taking you to old London Town in the country of UK, ruled over by Good King Wenceslas. Now, human beings worship the great god Santa, a creature with fearsome claws, and his wife Mary. And every Christmas Eve, the people of the UK go to war with the country of Turkey. They then eat the Turkey people for Christmas dinner, like savages.
The Doctor: Excuse me, sorry, sorry. But, um, where did you get all this from?
Mr. Copper: Well, I have a first class degree in Earthonomics.

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Steve Dodds: [After hitting Drake with his car] Oh! Oh! Buddy, are you ok?
Drake Sabitch: I'm not that far from dragging you out of the car and beating you to dust.
Steve: You should work up to that. Kinda leaves you nowhere to go.
Drake: I can go to your mamma's and start a small fire in her panties. Now, are you ready to get out of the car?

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Isaac: May I ask why you terminated your coupling?
Bortus: We were incompatible.
Gordon: When Moclans break up, is there, like, all that stabbing, like with the divorce?
Bortus: No. Each Moclan extracts a tooth and leaves it with his former mate.
Gordon: Yeah. I knew it had to be something like that.
Ed: Do you still have the tooth?
Bortus: No. It is given to the next mate.
Gordon: Uh, let me guess. He eats it.
Bortus: That is correct.
Gordon: Yes! Man, I'm getting so good at this.

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Dani: What did you tell them?
T-800: I told them you coming here makes this place unsafe for them. Also, the day I warned them might come, has come. My past has caught up with me. And...I won't be back.

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Sarah Connor: I'll be back.

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Captain: Why would he use his son's gun? He knew that we would trace it back to that house. It doesn't make sense.
Burl Loomis: A lot of things don't make sense. Why are nickels bigger than dimes?
Captain: That's a good point.
Loomis: Why does Hawaii have an interstate highway?
Captain: Another excellent question.
Loomis: Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Captain: I don't know. I couldn't say.
Loomis: Why did the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?
Captain: When are you retiring?
Loomis: Four hundred and seventy four days.
Captain: Does that include today?
Loomis: Yes it does.

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Looking for par'Mach in all the Wrong Places - S5-E3

Quark: So, what brings you to my humble establishment? Business or pleasure?
Grilka: The recent hostilities between the Federation and the Empire have been very costly to my family. We have suffered great losses in ships, lands, warriors.
Quark: War. What is it good for? If you ask me, absolutely nothing.

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The Forsaken - S1-E17

Odo: Frankly, in my humble opinion, most of you humanoids spend far too much time on your respective mating rituals.
Benjamin Sisko: It does help the procreation of one's species.
Odo: Procreation does not require changing how you smell, or writing bad poetry, or sacrificing various plants to serve as tokens of affection.

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