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Ode to Barbara Joan [aka Daddy Dearest] - S1-E20

Max: Tell you what. What you say I get us some box seats to opening day at Shea stadium, and you'll see how the pros do it.
Brighton: Well at least the Mets.

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No, This Is Not Based Entirely on Julie's Life - S2-E1

[Lisa walks into Dave's office].
Lisa: Have you ever taken naked pictures of yourself?
Dave: Mom, I am going to have to call you back.

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Partial Law - S1-E17

Becker: Don't you ever stop and think about what your about to say before you start talking?
Linda: No, I like to hear it for the first time with everyone else.

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Activate Your Choices - S1-E15

Becker: You bet $20 that I would sleep with my ex wife?
Reggie: You're a guy, the odds were with me.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Becker: You owe me. If I had not met your wife you would be still married to her.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Becker: White trash is the one natural resource this country will never run out of!

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Pilot - S1-E1

Mrs. Johnson: Thank you doctor. You may Just end up going to heaven wether you like it or not.
Dr John Becker: Thank you. That's the first time anyone suggested I go in that direction.

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The Firm - S5-E7

Clarissa: The great thing about my dad is he likes to help. The bad thing about my dad is he loves to help.

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Larry: I'm Larry. This is my brother Darryl. This is my other brother Darryl.

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My Three Dads - S6-E13

Larry: Now behave yourself Darryl. There are only three ways to get a baby. By a woman, by adopting, or by a star in the east.

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Pilot - S1-E1

Mandy: Will you go pick up Travis, please?
Mike: You can pick him up.
Mandy: Really?
Mike: Yeah, if you can just figure out how to change a tire.
[Mandy starts to leave.]
Mike: So sad.
Mandy: I'm living with Lord Voldemort!
Mike: I don't know who that is, but he sounds like a very caring father.

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Co-Ed Softball - S1-E5

Ed: Just mark down co-ed if you want to play with girls, and uh just Ed if you prefer men.
Everyone looks at him
Ed: That did not come out right.

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Co-Ed Softball - S1-E5

Mike: Mandy, college is important. Without college there would be no college football.

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Imaginary Friend - S1-E7

Fran: Question, when they shot Bambi's mother did you find that a sad moment? At all?
C.C.: I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

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