Scout: Gravity? Who gives a crap about gravity?
Bombinomicon: Okay, twist ending guys. Here comes the big twist! I'm an angel, and we're in Heaven! This was a test all along! No, I'm pulling your leg, there is no Heaven. There is Hell in every direction.
Blutarch Mann: I sense a disturbance in the force... Hold on. Okay, I'm back. My lawyers tell me I'm sensing nothing.
Bombinomicon: Hey, when you go back to Earth, make sure you tell everybody I'm the Devil now. Oh, I'm gonna be famous. Oh, I'm gonna be more famous than Lord of the Rings! So have you guys been doing? Soldier, still have that stupid wizard for a roommate? Oh, that guy, I could tell you some... You know what? You keep fighting, we catch up later.
Soldier: [after dominating a Demoman.] Scotland is not a real country! You are an Englishman in a dress!
Ap-Sap: Is that gunfire? Is - is someone shooting? Oh my God, they're shooting at us! They're shooting at us! Don't panic, but they are shooting at us. Are these - are these live? Do I actually hear shooting? Is this live rounds? Is it live ammunition? Okay, I definitely heard a gunshot then! This is... Mental. Did no one else hear that? Bloody - what have you got me into? All right, fun's over! Fun's over! Put me back in the pocket! Seriously, now - put me away. 'Cause I don't want any piece of this.
The Administrator Helen: America has given us the monkey, and Mann Co. has provided the fuel. Let's put those two together and make history!
Heavy: It is good day to be giant man!
Scout: If you order now, I'll throw in a second beatin' absolutely free.
Spy: You got blood on my suit.
Medic: Ze healing leaves little time for ze hurting.
Soldier: You sissified maggot scum have just signed your death warrants!
Heavy: You are so small! It's funny to me!
Ap-Sap: Dashing rogues! The both of us. Like Robin Hood or something! Role playing. Love it. Absolutely love it.
Sniper: You got blood on my knife, mate.
Medic: Zat was doctor assisted homicide.
Soldier: This is my world. You are not welcome in my world!
Scout: Say goodbye to your kneecaps, chucklehead.
Demoman: All o' ya are dandies, prancin' about with your heads full of eyeballs!
Sniper: Thanks for standing still, wanker!