Stu: Yeah I got two thirds of it - he said something about the garden of meditation.
Alan: No, he said I'm farting because of my medication.
Alan: None of you know Stu like I do. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not you. Not nobody knows Stu like I do. No one. I can't even tell you what we've been through because we made a pact, more important than blood. What I can tell you is this. This is not Stu's first marriage. There was a whore in Las Vegas a couple of years ago..."
Phil: Time's up.
Phil: Oh please. You wouldn't even be with her if it wasn't for us.
Stu: Oh, this will be good.
Phil: Stu, think about it. You ended up ditching Mellisa and two years later you meet your true soulmate. You take Vegas out of that equation and you would have married a cunt. [To the shocked patrons.] Oh it's ok. No, it's ok. It's a bachelor party. Drink up everybody. Oh wait, there's no alcohol - I forgot we're at a fucking IHOP!
Doug: I get it. I really do. It's just that Alan considers you to be one of his best friends.
Stu: I consider Alan to be insane.
Phil: And her dad hates you.
Stu: He doesn't hate me. He's just never spoken to me. I think it's a cultural thing.