Scott Pilgrim: When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.
Young Neil: He punched the highlights out of her hair!
Scott Pilgrim: I'm in lesbians with you.
Crash: This next song goes out to the guy who keeps yelling from the balcony. It's called "We Hate You, Please Die."
Wallace: Sweet! I love this one!
Scott Pilgrim: We are Sex Bob-Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff.
Scott's Computer: You've got mail.
Scott Pilgrim: Dude, this thing claims I have mail.
Gideon Gordon Graves: Do you have any idea how long it took me to get all the evil exes' contact information so I could form this stupid league? Like, two hours! TWO HOURS!
Knives Chau: I've never even kissed a guy before.
Scott Pilgrim: Hey... Me neither.
Roxy Richter: Oh I'd love to postpone darling, but I just cashed in my last rain check.
Scott Pilgrim: Where's that from?
Roxy Richter: My brain!
Wallace Wells: Look, I didn't write the gay handbook. If you got a problem with it, take it up with Liberace's ghost.
Knives Chau: You stole my boyfriend. Taste my steel!
Scott Pilgrim: Hey so, can this not be a one-night stand? For one thing I didn't even get any. That was a joke.
Ramona V. Flowers: What did you have in mind?
Scott Pilgrim: Oh, come to this first round of this battle of the bands thing.
Ramona V. Flowers: You have a band?
Scott Pilgrim: Yeah, we're terrible. Please come.
Lucas Lee: The only thing separating me from her is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass.
Scott: Not only do I wanna take part, I wanna take them apart.
Gideon Gordon Graves: [talking to Knives.] Listen, kung pow chicken.