Youa: You're funny.
Walt Kowalski: I've been called a lot of things, but never funny.
Sue Lor: There's a ton of food.
Walt Kowalski: Yeah, well just keep your hands off my dog.
Sue Lor: No worries, we only eat cats.
Walt Kowalski: I once fixed a door that wasn't even broken yet.
Walt Kowalski: Here these three items right here, some WD-40, vice grips, and some duct tape. Any man worth his salt can do half the household chores with just these three things.
Thug: What you lookin' at old man?
Walt Kowalski: Ever notice how you come across somebody once in a while you shouldn't have messed with? That's me.
Walt Kowalski: What the hell does everybody want with my Gran Torino?
Thao Vang Lor: What was it like to kill someone?
Walt Kowalski: You don't want to know.
Walt Kowalski: Oh, I've got one. A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says "Get the fuck out of here."
Walt Kowalski: I confess that I have no desire to confess.
Barber Martin: There. You finally look like a human being again. You shouldn't wait so long between hair cuts, you cheap son of a bitch.
Walt Kowalski: Yeah. I'm surprised you're still around. I was always hoping you'd die off and they got someone in here that knew what the hell they were doing. Instead, you're just hanging around like the duop dego you are.
Barber Martin: That'll be ten bucks, Walt.
Walt Kowalski: Ten bucks? Jesus Christ, Marty. What are you, half Jew or somethin'? You keep raising the damn prices all the time.
Barber Martin: It's been ten bucks for the last five years, you hard-nosed pollock son of a bitch.
Walt Kowalski: Yeah, well keep the change.
Barber Martin: See you in three weeks, prick.
Walt Kowalski: Not if I see you first, dipshit.