Officer David Caporizo: Oh, and did this killer use his hook to cut all your hair off?
Helen: No, he used scissors, asshole.
Ben Willis: You in some kind of trouble child?
Julie: Yes, yeah I'm in a lot of trouble.
Ben Willis: That's a shame, being that it's the 4th of July and all. Kids like you should be out having fun. Drinking, partying, running people over, getting away with murder... things like that.
Julie: Guys... Hi... I'm on sexist overload as it is, kill the commentary.
Elsa Shivers: Is the dried-out, washed-up has-been having a moment?
Helen: Hey, its all about the hair. Don't you forget that. Especially when you become some big hotshot lawyer. Those professional types think its all about brains and ability and completely ignore the do.
Julie: So, the do is vital, got it.
Helen: What happened to us? We used to be best friends.
Julie: We used to be a lot of things.
Barry: A toast... to us, to our last summer of immature, adolescent decadence.
Helen: Somebody's buzzed.
Helen: We should have a plan. Angela Lansbury always had a plan.
Helen: Listen, you little shit-stick-mayberry-ass reject. There's been a murder, and you are going to fry in hell if you ignore it.
Ray: I never knew her breasts were so... ample.
Helen: By that time I'll just be finishing my two year contract with Guiding Light, coinciding with your first year as starting quarterback for the Steelers.
Helen: Whatever. Then we can elope to Europe, or the Caymans, wherever, where I'll let you impregnate me with the first of 3 children before you head off to rehab. Then we can live happily, blah blah blah.
Helen: Well Bob, at summer's end I plan on moving to New York where I'll pursue a career as a serious actress. It's my goal to entertain the world through artistic expression. Through art I shall serve my country.
Julie: We need help.
Barry: I'll say. You two should check out a mirror sometime. You look like shit run over twice.
Helen: You're a prick.
Helen: Come sit in the back. I'll let you do things to me.