Stanley: Jesus, how horny can you get?
Eugene: I don't know. What's the highest score?
Stanley: I got fired today.
Eugene: Fired? You mean for good?
Stanley: You don't get fired temporarily. It's a permanent lifetime firing.
Eugene: Liver and cabbage - the Jewish mediaeval torture! My friend Marty Gregori, an A student in Science, told me that cooked cabbage can be smelled further than sound travelling for seven minutes.
Eugene: Stanley, how do girls... do it?
Stanley: Eugene, I'm dealing with a major problem in my life right now. I don't have time to describe girls masturbating for you.
Eugene: Just draw me a picture, I brought a pencil. You want crayons? Maybe you should do it in color.
Eugene: It was a tense moment for everybody. I love tense moments. Especially when I'm not the one they're all tense about.
Eugene: Don't hate me for what I'm going to say.
Stanley: What is it?
Eugene: I think Aunt Blanche has a great ass.
Stanley: They're gonna lock you up in a sex asylum. If I was your sister I wouldn't sleep on the same block as you.
Eugene: I wanted to cut my wrists but the liver had worn down the knives.
Kate: What would you tell your father if he came home and I was dead on the kitchen floor?
Eugene: "Don't go in the kitchen, Pa"?
Eugene: I think I'm in love with her.
Stanley: Well forget it, she's your cousin.
Eugene: What's wrong with being in love with your cousin?
Stanley: Because it's against the laws of nature! You can't marry your first cousin, you'll get babies with nine heads.
