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Mary: Mercy House is a place that deals with all kinds of problems, like drug addiction and alcoholism to de-gayification and unwed mothers.

Pastor Skip: I think the Christian thing to do would be to let them stay.
Hilary Faye: The Christian thing to do? I have been doing the CHRISTIAN THING my whole life! I did not have sex with a gay and try to blame it on Jesus!
Mary: Hilary Faye...
Hilary Faye: Oh, shut up, you fornicator!

Cassandra: I'm not really a stripper.
Roland: I'm not really a Christian.

Mary: Why would God make us so different if he wanted us to be the same?

Hilary Faye: Well, if it isn't the heathens.
Cassandra: Burn in hell, you narrow-minded, tacky-ass bitch!

Pastor Skip: Divorce is not part of God's plan.
Patrick: Dad, you need to think of a new plan.

Roland: You have everything, Hillary Faye. What are you afraid of?

Mary: Please let it be cancer, please let it be cancer, please let it be cancer.

Lillian: I keep trying to remind myself that when Jesus closes a door he opens a window.
Mary: Yeah, so we have something to jump out of.

Tia: Sorry about Dean's faggotry.

Patrick: Mary, you want to go out sometime?
Mary: What? Are you going to take me out on your "scooter"?
Patrick: Come on, I'm like, totally adorable, besides, it would drive Hilary Faye crazy.
Mary: I can't. I'm... Not dating right now.
Patrick: What about tomorrow night? Will you be dating then?

Pastor Skip: Patrick, this is not a gray area.
Patrick: Dad, it's all a gray area.
Pastor Skip: THE BIBLE IS BLACK AND WHITE!

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