Bart: You know, you really had me scared for a moment there. Ollie: Awww, who knew. All these years you were nursing a little stage fright. Bart: Not that, smart-ass.
Maya: I do it at least twice a day. Ollie: Good God.
Boy #3: My Mom says my Dad has brown eyes because he is full of shit.
Girl #1: My mom and dad are very religious. At night I hear them scream "Jesus".
Gertie: I hate you! I hate you! I wish you died, not mommy. Ollie: I hate you right back you little shit! You and your mom took my life away from me. I just want it back.
Gertie: Did Mommy like New York? Ollie: Yeah, she loved it. Gertie: Then I guess I will too.
Ollie: George Michael is all about the ladies. "I want your sex." Does that sound like he's singing to a guy?
Bart: Try acting like a father, shit-head.
Maya: Man cannot live on porn alone.
Will Smith: 'Ey, you Brickman? Ollie: No. I'm just a guy who'd rather play in the dirt with his kid.
Bart: Sun even shines on a dog's ass some days. Greenie: You gettin' a dog?
Boy #5: Okay, it's like this. My dog ate my paper. I checked, but he didn't poop it out.
Ollie: Isn't that cute? It's 8 o'clock and you both get a bottle.
Ollie: Come on, Dad. Don't you wanna live alone again? Bart: Not as much as I don't wanna die alone.
Ollie: Why don't you go get yourself a boyfriend? Maya: Why don't you go get yourself a girlfriend? Ollie: I spend all day working and spend all night with my kid. Maya: So you would rather spend time with your daughter than get laid? Ollie: Yeah. Maya: That's sweet. I'm kind of crushing on you, Trinke.
Ollie: "Cats" is the second-worst thing that ever happened to New York City.
Maya: Forget about what you thought you were and just accept who you are.
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