Duck Soup
Movie Quote Quiz

Rufus T. Firefly: I'll see my lawyer about this as soon as he graduates from law school.

Rufus T. Firefly: Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Chicolini: Well, I tell you what I think, I think we should have a standing army.
Rufus T. Firefly: Why should we have a standing army?
Chicolini: Because then we save money on chairs.

Rufus T. Firefly: Well, maybe I am a little headstrong. But, I come by it honestly. My father was a little headstrong. My mother was a little armstrong. The headstrongs married the armstrongs and that's why darkies were born.

Rufus T. Firefly: There goes my gun. Run out and get that like a good girl.

Ambassador Trentino: Chicolini, your partner has deserted you but I'm still counting on you. There is a machine gun nest near Hill 28. I want it cleaned out.
Chicolini: All right, I'll tell the janitor.

Rufus T. Firefly: Hey! Do you want to be a public nuisance?
Chicolini: Sure! How much does the job pay?

Rufus T. Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realise our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chicolini: I've done it already.
Rufus T. Firefly: You've done what?
Chicolini: I've changed to the other side.
Rufus T. Firefly: So you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?
Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.

Bob Roland: Message from the front, sir.
Rufus T. Firefly: Oh, I'm sick of messages from the front. Don't we ever get a message from the side? - What is it?
Bob Roland: General Smith reports a gas attack. He wants to know what to do.
Rufus T. Firefly: Tell him to take a teaspoonful of bicarbonate baking soda and a half a glass of water.

Rufus T. Firefly: I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Mrs. Teasdale: I want you to meet a very charming lady.
Rufus T. Firefly: And it's about time.

Rufus T. Firefly: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Rufus T. Firefly: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.
Chicolini: I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll take five and ten in Woolworth.

Rufus T. Firefly: Married. I can see you right now in the kitchen, bending over a hot stove. But I can't see the stove.

Ambassador Trentino: I've said enough, I'm a man of few words.
Rufus T. Firefly: I'm a man of one word: Scram.

Chicolini: Mister you no understand. Look, he's a spy and I'm a spy, he work-a for me. I want him to find out-a something, but he no find out what I wanna find out. Now how am I gonna find out what I wanna find out if he no find out what I gotta find out?

Bob Roland: This letter's the work of Trentino. The man is trying to undermine you. Now what are you going to do about it?
Rufus T. Firefly: I've got a good mind to ring his doorbell and run.

Rufus T. Firefly: Here are the plans of war. They're as valuable as your life. And that's putting them pretty cheap. Watch them like a cat watched her kittens. Have you ever had kittens? No, of course not, you're too busy running around playing bridge. Can't you see what I'm trying to tell you, I love you.

Prosecutor: Something must be done! War would mean a prohibitive increase in our taxes.
Chicolini: Hey, I got an uncle lives in Taxes.
Prosecutor: No, I'm talking about taxes - money, dollars.
Chicolini: Dollars! There's-a where my uncle lives! Dollars, Taxes.

Rufus T. Firefly: How would you like a job in the mint?
Chicolini: Mint? No, no, I no like a mint. Uh, what other flavor you got?

Ambassador Trentino: Now, Chicolini, I want a full detailed report of your investigation.
Chicolini: All right, I tell you. Monday we watch-a Firefly's house, but he no come out. He wasn't home. Tuesday we go to the ball game, but he fool us: he no show up. Wednesday he go to the ball game, but we fool him, we no show up. Thursday it was a double-header, nobody show up. Friday it rained all day, there was no ball game, so we stayed home, we listen to it over the radio.

Continuity mistake: In the gala scene, Zeppo explains that Groucho is always on time and will arrive at exactly ten o'clock. Everyone starts singing the first big musical number, "When the Clock on the Wall Strikes Ten." There is even a shot of a clock set to ten. In the middle of the song, the clock strikes... six.

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