Duck Soup

Duck Soup (1933)

32 quotes

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Rufus T. Firefly: Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Chicolini: Well, I tell you what I think, I think we should have a standing army.
Rufus T. Firefly: Why should we have a standing army?
Chicolini: Because then we save money on chairs.

Rufus T. Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realise our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chicolini: I've done it already.
Rufus T. Firefly: You've done what?
Chicolini: I've changed to the other side.
Rufus T. Firefly: So you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?
Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.

Rufus T. Firefly: I'll see my lawyer about this as soon as he graduates from law school.

Rufus T. Firefly: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.
Chicolini: I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll take five and ten in Woolworth.

Bob Roland: This letter's the work of Trentino. The man is trying to undermine you. Now what are you going to do about it?
Rufus T. Firefly: I've got a good mind to ring his doorbell and run.

Ambassador Trentino: I am willing to do anything to prevent this war.
Rufus T. Firefly: It's too late. I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield.

Ambassador Trentino: I didn't come here to be insulted.
Rufus T. Firefly: That's what you think.

Mrs. Teasdale: As chairman of the reception committee, I welcome you with open arms.
Rufus T. Firefly: Is that so? How late do you stay open?

Ambassador Trentino: Now, Chicolini, I want a full detailed report of your investigation.
Chicolini: All right, I tell you. Monday we watch-a Firefly's house, but he no come out. He wasn't home. Tuesday we go to the ball game, but he fool us: he no show up. Wednesday he go to the ball game, but we fool him, we no show up. Thursday it was a double-header, nobody show up. Friday it rained all day, there was no ball game, so we stayed home, we listen to it over the radio.

Rufus T. Firefly: I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.

Rufus T. Firefly: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Ambassador Trentino: Have you been trailing Firefly?
Chicolini: Have we been trailing Firefly? Why, my partner, he's got a nose just like a bloodhound.
Ambassador Trentino: Oh really?
Chicolini: Yeah, and the rest of his face don't look so good either.

Chicolini: Mister you no understand. Look, he's a spy and I'm a spy, he work-a for me. I want him to find out-a something, but he no find out what I wanna find out. Now how am I gonna find out what I wanna find out if he no find out what I gotta find out?

Chicolini: Now I aska you one. What has a trunk, but no key, weighs 2,000 pounds and lives in a circus?
Prosecutor: That's irrelevant.
Chicolini: Irrelephant? Hey, that'sa that answer. There's a whole lot of irrelephants in the circus.

Rufus T. Firefly: How would you like a job in the mint?
Chicolini: Mint? No, no, I no like a mint. Uh, what other flavor you got?

Mrs. Teasdale: I want you to meet a very charming lady.
Rufus T. Firefly: And it's about time.

Freedonia's Secretary of War: How about taking up the tax?
Rufus T. Firefly: How 'bout taking up the carpet?
Freedonia's Secretary of War: I still insist we must take up the tax.
Rufus T. Firefly: He's right, you've gotta take up the tacks before you can take up the carpet.

Continuity mistake: At the gala scene at the beginning Groucho slides down wearing a black tuxedo. Not long afterwards he is suddenly wearing a gray suit jacket, and after his musical number it changes back to the black tuxedo.

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