Duck Soup
Movie Quote Quiz

Rufus T. Firefly: Gentlemen, Chicolini here may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot. I implore you, send him back to his father and brothers, who are waiting for him with open arms in the penitentiary. I suggest that we give him ten years in Leavenworth, or eleven years in Twelveworth.
Chicolini: I'll tell you what I'll do: I'll take five and ten in Woolworth.

Rufus T. Firefly: Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?
Chicolini: Well, I tell you what I think, I think we should have a standing army.
Rufus T. Firefly: Why should we have a standing army?
Chicolini: Because then we save money on chairs.

Rufus T. Firefly: Awfully decent of you to drop in today. Do you realise our army is facing disastrous defeat? What do you intend to do about it?
Chicolini: I've done it already.
Rufus T. Firefly: You've done what?
Chicolini: I've changed to the other side.
Rufus T. Firefly: So you're on the other side, eh? Well, what are you doing over here?
Chicolini: Well, the food is better over here.

Rufus T. Firefly: I'll see my lawyer about this as soon as he graduates from law school.

Ambassador Trentino: I am willing to do anything to prevent this war.
Rufus T. Firefly: It's too late. I've already paid a month's rent on the battlefield.

Ambassador Trentino: I didn't come here to be insulted.
Rufus T. Firefly: That's what you think.

Bob Roland: This letter's the work of Trentino. The man is trying to undermine you. Now what are you going to do about it?
Rufus T. Firefly: I've got a good mind to ring his doorbell and run.

Mrs. Teasdale: As chairman of the reception committee, I welcome you with open arms.
Rufus T. Firefly: Is that so? How late do you stay open?

Ambassador Trentino: Now, Chicolini, I want a full detailed report of your investigation.
Chicolini: All right, I tell you. Monday we watch-a Firefly's house, but he no come out. He wasn't home. Tuesday we go to the ball game, but he fool us: he no show up. Wednesday he go to the ball game, but we fool him, we no show up. Thursday it was a double-header, nobody show up. Friday it rained all day, there was no ball game, so we stayed home, we listen to it over the radio.

Rufus T. Firefly: I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows till you come home.

Rufus T. Firefly: Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Ambassador Trentino: Have you been trailing Firefly?
Chicolini: Have we been trailing Firefly? Why, my partner, he's got a nose just like a bloodhound.
Ambassador Trentino: Oh really?
Chicolini: Yeah, and the rest of his face don't look so good either.

Chicolini: Mister you no understand. Look, he's a spy and I'm a spy, he work-a for me. I want him to find out-a something, but he no find out what I wanna find out. Now how am I gonna find out what I wanna find out if he no find out what I gotta find out?

Chicolini: Now I aska you one. What has a trunk, but no key, weighs 2,000 pounds and lives in a circus?
Prosecutor: That's irrelevant.
Chicolini: Irrelephant? Hey, that'sa that answer. There's a whole lot of irrelephants in the circus.

Rufus T. Firefly: Hey! Do you want to be a public nuisance?
Chicolini: Sure! How much does the job pay?

Rufus T. Firefly: How would you like a job in the mint?
Chicolini: Mint? No, no, I no like a mint. Uh, what other flavor you got?

Rufus T. Firefly: Go, and never darken my towels again.

Mrs. Teasdale: I want you to meet a very charming lady.
Rufus T. Firefly: And it's about time.

Freedonia's Secretary of War: How about taking up the tax?
Rufus T. Firefly: How 'bout taking up the carpet?
Freedonia's Secretary of War: I still insist we must take up the tax.
Rufus T. Firefly: He's right, you've gotta take up the tacks before you can take up the carpet.

Rufus T. Firefly: There goes my gun. Run out and get that like a good girl.

Continuity mistake: In the gala scene, Zeppo explains that Groucho is always on time and will arrive at exactly ten o'clock. Everyone starts singing the first big musical number, "When the Clock on the Wall Strikes Ten." There is even a shot of a clock set to ten. In the middle of the song, the clock strikes... six.

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