Bill: Did Perry interview for the police force yet?
Betty: Yes, but they said he couldn't join because he was too tall.
Tania: I'm divorcing Chook. I suppose I have you to thank for that. I hope I can do the same for you one day.
Tania: If I feel you've changed, I'll tell you. I'm honest. Unlike some people, I tell it like it is.
Coach Ken Blundell: All the guests are on her side. I should have bought you more friends.
Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, no one looked at me. When I moved to Sydney, Brice asked me out and that proves that I changed and I'm not her anymore.
Muriel: Muriel! Muriel Heslop. Stupid, fat and useless. I hate her! I'm never going back to being her again! Why can't it be me? Why can't I be the one?
Victor Keinosuke: You do a lot for the people of this town, Bill.
Bill: Who told you that?
Victor Keinosuke: You did.
Rhonda: Are you Muriel Heslop?
Rhonda: Yes, you are.
Rhonda: I dunno why, you just are.
Cheryl: Wait. Let her finish her Orgasm.
Rhonda: You're right, you are a new person, and you stink. "Mariel VanArkle" stinks. And she's not half the person Muriel Heslop was.
David: What kind of person marries someone they don't know?
Muriel: You did.
David: I want to win. All my life I've wanted to win.
Muriel: Me too.
Brice: Maybe after... I mean later.
Muriel: Are you black?
Tania: He says they're not sleeping together. She only sucks him off.
Tania: Out of respect for me.
Muriel: When I lived in Porpoise Spit, I used to sit in my room for hours and listen to abba songs. But since I've met you and moved to Sydney, I haven't listened to one Abba song. That's because my life is as good as an Abba song. It's as good as Dancing Queen.
Muriel: He said if I ever left him, he would find out who I was living with and shoot them. Then, he'd shoot me, then himself.
Rhonda: Shit, he really loved you, didn't he?
Tania: Muriel, you're beautiful.
Rhonda: Sorry, Mum. You know I love you, but you drive me crazy. And you three, what a bunch of cocksuckers.
Bill: I was nearly in State Government. Four million votes I needed. No one knew who won for three days 'till the postal vote came in. For three days I was almost there... You reap what you sow. You'd think I'd learn that growing up on a farm. You reap what you sow.
Tania: They've accused him of raping a Japanese tourist, which is ridiculous! Chook hates the Japanese.
Muriel: I can't stay married to you, David. I have to stop lying now. I've told so many lies... I don't love you.
David: I don't love you either, but I think I could like having you around.