History of the World: Part I
Movie Quote Quiz

God: Moses, this is the lord thy god, commanding you to obey my law. Do you hear me?
Moses: Yes. I hear you, I hear you. A deaf man could hear you.
God: What?
Moses: Nothing. Forget it.

1

Count De Monet: Your Majesty, you look like the piss boy.
King Louis XVI: And you look like a bucket of shit.

1

King Louis XVI: Ah, the Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: It's "De Mon... "
King Louis XVI: Don't correct me.

Jew #2: I was sitting in a temple / I was minding my own business / I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass / Then these papist persons plunge in / And they throw me in the dungeon / And they shove a red-hot poker up my ass / Is that considerate? / Is that polite? / And not a tube of Preparation-H in sight.

Marcus Vindictus: Don't you know your right flank from your left flank?
Captain Mucus: I'm sorry sir, I flunked flank.
Marcus Vindictus: You flunked flank? Get the flunk out of here.

King Louis XVI: Knight jumps queen! Bishop jumps queen! Pawns jump queen! Gangbang.

Plumbing Salesman: Yes, citizens, plumbing! It's the latest invention to hit Rome! It moves water from one place to another! It's astounding, it's amazing! Get on the bandwagon! Pipe the shit right out of your house.

Empress Nympho: Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys.

Marcus Vindictus: Caladonia! Let's make their big head so hard.

Insolent Flunky: Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: De Monet! Say it... Mo - nay! Say it with me, Mo - nay.

Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Gladiator.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Yeah.
Dole Office Clerk: Now, listen, this is your last week of unemployment insurance. Either you kill somebody next week or we're going to have to change your status, got it?

Empress Nympho: Bob?
Bob: Yes, Your Highness?
Empress Nympho: Oh, Bob, do I have any openings that this man might fit?
Crowd: Whooooaaaaaaa.
Bob: Well, we could use another wine steward.
Josephus: I got a great corkscrew.
Crowd: Whoooaaaaaaa.
Josephus: Damn, this a hip crowd.

Leader of Senate: All fellow members of the Roman senate hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich? Or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?
Entire Senate: Fuck THE poor.

Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Comicus: Stand-up philosopher.
Dole Office Clerk: What?
Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.
Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a bullshit artist.
Comicus: Grumble.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you bullshit last week?
Comicus: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to bullshit last week?
Comicus: Yes.

King Louis XVI: Ah, now there's a naughty bit o' crumpet.

Bearnaise: I don't like your cuffs... I don't like your cuffs! I don't like your cuffs! A man's cuffs should be even with the tip of his 'pee-pee'. Yours are all the way down to your balls.
Count de Monet: At least I have them.
Bearnaise: Bitch.

Count de Monet: Don't get saucy with me, Bearnaise.

Chief Monk: Torquemada - do not beg him for mercy. Torquemada - do not ask him for forgiveness. Let's face it - you can't Torquemada anything.

Narrator: See: Hitler on Ice.

Jaques: Josephus! How did you get here from the Roman Empire?
Josephus: Don't be square, mon cher! Movies is magic.

Visible crew/equipment: When Comicus and his entourage are on the road to Judea, the tire tracks of the vehicle carrying the camera are blatantly clear in the lower part of the picture.

Nicki
More mistakes in History of the World: Part I

Trivia: During the Roman Empire, the woman says walk this way, and they walk like she did. This joke was featured in Young Frankenstein, as well.

More trivia for History of the World: Part I
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