History of the World: Part I
Movie Quote Quiz

Narrator: See: Hitler on Ice.

Leader of Senate: All fellow members of the Roman senate hear me. Shall we continue to build palace after palace for the rich? Or shall we aspire to a more noble purpose and build decent housing for the poor? How does the senate vote?
Entire Senate: Fuck THE poor.

Empress Nympho: Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys.

Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your Majesty! I was raised in a convent. I don't indulge in pleasures of the flesh.
King Louis XVI: You don't put out, he don't get out.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your Majesty, I simply don't do it.
King Louis XVI: Come on, you do it. You love to do it. We all do it. You do it.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: No, I don't.
King Louis XVI: I do it, I love to do it. I just did it and I'm ready to do it again, don't tell me you don't do it.

Chemist: What are you looking for?
Marcus Vindictus: A pack of Trojans.
Chemist: Gee, I just ran out.

King Louis XVI: Ah, now there's a naughty bit o' crumpet.

Insolent Flunky: Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: De Monet! Say it... Mo - nay! Say it with me, Mo - nay.

Jew #2: I was sitting in a temple / I was minding my own business / I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass / Then these papist persons plunge in / And they throw me in the dungeon / And they shove a red-hot poker up my ass / Is that considerate? / Is that polite? / And not a tube of Preparation-H in sight.

Madame DeFarge: We, the people of France.
Fellow Revolutionist: Fraunce.
Madame DeFarge: Fraunce.

Count de Monet: Don't get saucy with me, Bearnaise.

Empress Nympho: Bob?
Bob: Yes, Your Highness?
Empress Nympho: Oh, Bob, do I have any openings that this man might fit?
Crowd: Whooooaaaaaaa.
Bob: Well, we could use another wine steward.
Josephus: I got a great corkscrew.
Crowd: Whoooaaaaaaa.
Josephus: Damn, this a hip crowd.

Chief Monk: Torquemada... do not implore him for compassion.Torquemada... do not beg him for forgiveness.Torquemada... do not ask him for mercy.Let's face it, you can't Torquemada anything.

Jaques: Josephus! How did you get here from the Roman Empire?
Josephus: Don't be square, mon cher! Movies is magic.

Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Comicus: Stand-up philosopher.
Dole Office Clerk: What?
Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.
Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a bullshit artist.
Comicus: Grumble.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you bullshit last week?
Comicus: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to bullshit last week?
Comicus: Yes.

Marcus Vindictus: Don't you know your right flank from your left flank?
Captain Mucus: I'm sorry sir, I flunked flank.
Marcus Vindictus: You flunked flank? Get the flunk out of here.

Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting.
King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice.

Bearnaise: I don't like your cuffs... I don't like your cuffs! I don't like your cuffs! A man's cuffs should be even with the tip of his 'pee-pee'. Yours are all the way down to your balls.
Count de Monet: At least I have them.
Bearnaise: Bitch.

Plumbing Salesman: Yes, citizens, plumbing! It's the latest invention to hit Rome! It moves water from one place to another! It's astounding, it's amazing! Get on the bandwagon! Pipe the shit right out of your house.

Auctioneer: What country are you from?
Josephus: Ethiopia.
Auctioneer: What part?
Josephus: 125th Street.

Chief Monk: Torquemada - do not beg him for mercy. Torquemada - do not ask him for forgiveness. Let's face it - you can't Torquemada anything.

Visible crew/equipment: When Comicus and his entourage are on the road to Judea, the tire tracks of the vehicle carrying the camera are blatantly clear in the lower part of the picture.

Nicki
More mistakes in History of the World: Part I

Trivia: During the Roman Empire, the woman says walk this way, and they walk like she did. This joke was featured in Young Frankenstein, as well.

More trivia for History of the World: Part IMore movie quotes

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