Count De Monet: Your Majesty, you look like the piss boy.
King Louis XVI: And you look like a bucket of shit.
Empress Nympho: Bob?
Bob: Yes, Your Highness?
Empress Nympho: Oh, Bob, do I have any openings that this man might fit?
Crowd: Whooooaaaaaaa.
Bob: Well, we could use another wine steward.
Josephus: I got a great corkscrew.
Crowd: Whoooaaaaaaa.
Josephus: Damn, this a hip crowd.
Josephus: Not to worry, not to worry... we are now armed with mighty joint!.
Chemist: What are you looking for?
Marcus Vindictus: A pack of Trojans.
Chemist: Gee, I just ran out.
Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting.
King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice.
Jew #1: I was sittin' flickin' chickens / And I'm looking through the pickins' / When suddenly these goys break down my walls / I didn't even know them / And they grab me by the scrotum / And they started playing ping-pong with my balls / Oy the agony / Oh the shame / To make your privates public for a game.
Madame DeFarge: We, the people of France.
Fellow Revolutionist: Fraunce.
Madame DeFarge: Fraunce.
Auctioneer: What country are you from?
Josephus: Ethiopia.
Auctioneer: What part?
Josephus: 125th Street.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your Majesty! I was raised in a convent. I don't indulge in pleasures of the flesh.
King Louis XVI: You don't put out, he don't get out.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your Majesty, I simply don't do it.
King Louis XVI: Come on, you do it. You love to do it. We all do it. You do it.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: No, I don't.
King Louis XVI: I do it, I love to do it. I just did it and I'm ready to do it again, don't tell me you don't do it.
Chief Monk: Torquemada... do not implore him for compassion.Torquemada... do not beg him for forgiveness.Torquemada... do not ask him for mercy.Let's face it, you can't Torquemada anything.
King Louis XVI: Ah, the Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: It's "De Mon... "
King Louis XVI: Don't correct me.
Jew #2: I was sitting in a temple / I was minding my own business / I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass / Then these papist persons plunge in / And they throw me in the dungeon / And they shove a red-hot poker up my ass / Is that considerate? / Is that polite? / And not a tube of Preparation-H in sight.
Marcus Vindictus: Don't you know your right flank from your left flank?
Captain Mucus: I'm sorry sir, I flunked flank.
Marcus Vindictus: You flunked flank? Get the flunk out of here.
King Louis XVI: Knight jumps queen! Bishop jumps queen! Pawns jump queen! Gangbang.
Plumbing Salesman: Yes, citizens, plumbing! It's the latest invention to hit Rome! It moves water from one place to another! It's astounding, it's amazing! Get on the bandwagon! Pipe the shit right out of your house.
Empress Nympho: Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys.
Marcus Vindictus: Caladonia! Let's make their big head so hard.
Insolent Flunky: Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: De Monet! Say it... Mo - nay! Say it with me, Mo - nay.
Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Gladiator.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Yeah.
Dole Office Clerk: Now, listen, this is your last week of unemployment insurance. Either you kill somebody next week or we're going to have to change your status, got it?
