Count De Monet: Your Majesty, you look like the piss boy.
King Louis XVI: And you look like a bucket of shit.
Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Gladiator.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to kill last week?
Gladiator - The Roman Empire: Yeah.
Dole Office Clerk: Now, listen, this is your last week of unemployment insurance. Either you kill somebody next week or we're going to have to change your status, got it?
Empress Nympho: Bob?
Bob: Yes, Your Highness?
Empress Nympho: Oh, Bob, do I have any openings that this man might fit?
Crowd: Whooooaaaaaaa.
Bob: Well, we could use another wine steward.
Josephus: I got a great corkscrew.
Crowd: Whoooaaaaaaa.
Josephus: Damn, this a hip crowd.
King Louis XVI: Ah, the Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: It's "De Mon... "
King Louis XVI: Don't correct me.
Jew #2: I was sitting in a temple / I was minding my own business / I was listening to a lovely Hebrew mass / Then these papist persons plunge in / And they throw me in the dungeon / And they shove a red-hot poker up my ass / Is that considerate? / Is that polite? / And not a tube of Preparation-H in sight.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your Majesty! I was raised in a convent. I don't indulge in pleasures of the flesh.
King Louis XVI: You don't put out, he don't get out.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: Your Majesty, I simply don't do it.
King Louis XVI: Come on, you do it. You love to do it. We all do it. You do it.
Mademoiselle Rimbaud: No, I don't.
King Louis XVI: I do it, I love to do it. I just did it and I'm ready to do it again, don't tell me you don't do it.
Jew #1: I was sittin' flickin' chickens / And I'm looking through the pickins' / When suddenly these goys break down my walls / I didn't even know them / And they grab me by the scrotum / And they started playing ping-pong with my balls / Oy the agony / Oh the shame / To make your privates public for a game.
Josephus: Not to worry, not to worry... we are now armed with mighty joint!.
Chief Monk: Torquemada - do not beg him for mercy. Torquemada - do not ask him for forgiveness. Let's face it - you can't Torquemada anything.
Bearnaise: I don't like your cuffs... I don't like your cuffs! I don't like your cuffs! A man's cuffs should be even with the tip of his 'pee-pee'. Yours are all the way down to your balls.
Count de Monet: At least I have them.
Bearnaise: Bitch.
Dole Office Clerk: Occupation?
Comicus: Stand-up philosopher.
Dole Office Clerk: What?
Comicus: Stand-up philosopher. I coalesce the vapors of human experience into a viable and meaningful comprehension.
Dole Office Clerk: Oh, a bullshit artist.
Comicus: Grumble.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you bullshit last week?
Comicus: No.
Dole Office Clerk: Did you try to bullshit last week?
Comicus: Yes.
Insolent Flunky: Count Da Money.
Count de Monet: De Monet! Say it... Mo - nay! Say it with me, Mo - nay.
Empress Nympho: Virgins, put on your "no entry" signs! We are about to confront... guys.
King Louis XVI: Knight jumps queen! Bishop jumps queen! Pawns jump queen! Gangbang.
Narrator: See: Hitler on Ice.
Auctioneer: What country are you from?
Josephus: Ethiopia.
Auctioneer: What part?
Josephus: 125th Street.
Count de Monet: It is said that the people are revolting.
King Louis XVI: You said it! They stink on ice.
Jaques: Josephus! How did you get here from the Roman Empire?
Josephus: Don't be square, mon cher! Movies is magic.
Count de Monet: Don't get saucy with me, Bearnaise.
