Jimmy: Hey, Ted, where the hell is the corkscrew?
[Jason appears and shoves the corkscrew into Jimmy's hand]
Jimmy: Ted. I think... I think when we get to town I should call Betty.
Ted: Jimbo, calling Betty is definitely a dead fuck thing to do. Look, first rule of love: never get rejected by the same girl twice. I mean, that's useless. If you want to make a fool out of yourself, always do it with someone new.
Jimmy: I don't know anyone new.
Ted: Well, sex is a great way to meet them.
Axel: I'm free, doll.
Nurse Morgan: And a bargain at twice the price.
Axel: Hey. What's the matter?
Nurse Morgan: I have a headache, Axel. For you, I always have a headache.
Axel: Oh, I can fix that. Meet me in the cold room. I'm closing up for the night. What do you say? Okay?
Nurse Morgan: Axel, I am not going to fake any more orgasms for you.
Nurse Morgan: Axel, you are the Super Bowl of self-abuse.
Mrs. Jarvis: Someone left the front door open again.
Tommy: We're in the country.
Mrs. Jarvis: Well, what happens if a psycho wanders in?
Trish: He'd probably challenge him to a game of Zaxxon.
Rob: Help! He's killing me! He's killing me.
Ted: And Jimbo, don't be such a dead fuck.
Jimmy: I told you... I told you that I didn't like that.
Ted: Let me put this into the ol' computer.
Jimmy: Ted, I'm serious about this.
Ted: Hey, the computer don't lie.
Axel: You got the curse?
Nurse Morgan: If I do, you're it.
Vincent: All dead. Some emergency.
Jimmy: He thinks that's funny. He thinks that's a funny thing he's doing.