Russ: Hi. I'm Russ, and I'm a Sagittarius. I enjoy surfing, candlelit dinners, and Tolstoi. Listen: I'm a mature person and you're a mature person, so why don't we just skip all the bullshit, get rid of our inhibitions, and DO what we really wanna DO?
Countess: How many days left till Halloween, Sebastian?
Sebastian: Oh, a little more than a week, Countess. I told you not to worry.
Countess: Not to worry? How amusing. But then you're not the one who needs to have the virgin blood of a young man not once, but three times before All Hallows Eve. Not to worry? Being a vampire in the 20th century is a nightmare.
Sebastian: Did we get up on the wrong side of the coffin this evening?
Countess: I haven't had anything this pure since the Vienna Boys' Choir hit town.
Mark Kendall: What was that scene in the shower all about?
Russ: That's the thanks I get for trying to help out a friend?
Mark Kendall: Oh you're a big help, thanks a lot. Did it ever occur to you guys that maybe you could've asked me?
Jamie: Oh my God.
Russ: She told us to look.
Jamie: I knew it! I knew it, we enjoyed it.
Russ: Would you shut up? Just shut up.
Jamie: No that's it! We're homos! We're rump-rangers.
Mark Kendall: Oh, Robin, please?
Robin Pierce: Mark, we've been through this sex thing a million times.
Mark Kendall: Half way through it a million times. It's what people do when they're in love! It's natural. It's right.
Robin Pierce: Well it's not natural or right for me to do it in a car.
Mark Kendall: What about an ice cream truck?
Robin Pierce: I'm the owner of the pants you've been trying to get into for the past four years.
Mark Kendall: I don't want to be a vampire. I'm a day person.