Prisoner: Long Live Stalin!
Soldier: Stalin's Dead! Malenkov's in charge!
Prisoner: Long live Malenk...[shot].
Nikita Khrushchev: I will bury you in history.
Kaganovich: Out of my way you fannies.
Lavrentiy Beria: Shoot her before him, but make sure he sees it, shoot him, take him to his church and dump him in the pulpit, the rest I leave up to you.
Georgy Malenkov: Nod as I'm speaking to you. People are looking to me for reassurance and I have no idea what's going on.
Guard 1: Should we investigate...?
Guard 2: Should you shut the fuck up before you get us both killed?
Vasily Stalin: I want to make a speech at my father's funeral.
Nikita Khrushchev: And I want to fuck Grace Kelly.
Georgy Zhukov: I'm going to have to report this conversation, threatening to do harm or obstruct any member of the Presidium in the process of...[bursts out laughing] Look at your fucking face.
Vasily Stalin: I know the drill. Smile, shake hands and try not to call them cunts.
Nikita Khrushchev: Can we stop twittering like fishwives?
Svetlana Stalin: He's not bad, he's just ill.
Vyacheslav Molotov: If nobody objects, I'm going to spend a kopek.
Soldier: We found her! She's grown a bit since the photograph...
Georgy Malenkov: She's the size of an ostrich. No.
Vyacheslav Molotov: Stalin would be loving this.
Georgy Zhukov: A modern soldier's greatest fear, it's not death, it's not starvation, it's chafing.
Nikita Khrushchev: You are accused of treachery against the Soviet Union, and of giving help to foreign powers...
Lavrentiy Beria: Foreign Powers? From where, the fucking moon?
Lavrentiy Beria: It's lucky we both now live in the new Soviet Union or you and your wife and your family would be a pile of dust on the floor of a crematorium toilet.
Andreyev: Don't worry, nobody's gonna get killed, I promise you. This is just a musical emergency.
Kaganovich: How can you run and plot at the same time?
Joseph Stalin: What took you so long? You fucking walk here?