Johnny Knoxville: Hello, I'm Johnny Knoxville, Welcome to Jackass.
George Lonegan: Sometimes, I mean you know, knowing everything about someone, it seems nice, but really, maybe it's better to hold stuff back.
Nancy Taylor: I'm sorry you wasted your life on this. Your brother killed that woman.
Damon Pennington: No prison in the world is airtight.
Sofia D'Souza: That would be two beers and for Mr. Mascarenhas, chicken soup and breadsticks, please.
Ethan Mascarenhas: Ah you meant fun for you and breadsticks for me? That's entertainment, Sofia style.
Omar Siddiqui: Sir that's too mean.
Sofia D'Souza: That's okay, Omar! That day remains incomplete for us both without his taunts.
Louis Ives: You have a strange power over people, Henry.
Henry Harrison: It's my constant disapproval. Some find it fatherly.
Jordan: It's a nice day if you like that sort of thing.
Saddest Flute: Is this the new life you have found? Funny, look much like the old one.
Caliban: This island is mine.
Jack Abramoff: Washington is like Hollywood, but with uglier faces.
Mickey Ward: I'm the one who's fighting. Not you, not you, and not you.
Johnny Marco: What's that book about again?
Cleo: It's about this girl that's in love with this guy. But he's a vampire, and his whole family's vampires. So she can't really be with him.
Johnny Marco: Why doesn't she become one too?
Cleo: Doesn't she become one too? Cleo: Because she can't. He doesn't want to turn her into a vampire. And if she gets too close to him, he won't be able to help himself.
Johnny Marco: Oh, man.
Dean: I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, 'cause we're resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I'd be an idiot if I didn't marry this girl she's so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option... 'Oh he's got a good job.' I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who's got a good job and is gonna stick around.
Lou Ford: I got a foot on both sides of the fence. They were put there early, and they stayed put. I can't move. I can't jump. All I can do is wait until I split, right down the middle.
Markus Kane: Joey. Joey. The box, with its implications of rigidity and squareness, symbolizes unimaginative thinking and painful frustration.
Bea: You can give up, let yourself go... or grit your teeth and hang on like stupid people do.
Becca: Why didn't He just make one, if He needed another Angel? He is God, after all.
Andrew 'Pope' Cody: Turn around, pig cunt.
Fergie: Benny McGill's wee brother's a smart wee cunt. How do you no' know I'm no' on my way to go stab fuck out of him right now? And how do you know I wouldnae take it out on you? See that there? That's a fucking blade. Know what that's used for? For gutting daft wee fucking boys like you, you wee cunt. Luckily for you, however, I'm a fuckin' good guy, and me and Benny are good pals.