Grandpa Max Tennyson: Being a hero isn't about letting others know you did the right thing, it's about you knowing you did the right thing.
Ben Tennyson: What were you just doing, reading greeting cards back at the Mega Mart?
Grandpa Max Tennyson: Well... yes.
Vicky: You know, maybe we shouldn't drink while the kids live here.
Dave: Come on, Vicky, we drink because the kids live here.
Colby Granger: Colonel in Special Ops said he was the bastard son of Clint Eastwood and Yoda.
Valerie Cherish: Instead of the barbeque line I could say, "If I let you have the puppies I'll have to let weird old Mr. Schmidt have a SATAN flag!" See, that's good, because everybody hates Satan.
Jedediah Smith: The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and take hold of my boot.
Chef Ramsay: I'm done! You, you, you, you, you fuck off... GET OUT.
Nancy Botwin: Foul! Ref, what's the matter with your whistle?
Celia Hodes: Well, technically, Nancy, Ref can't call a foul. Shane was kicked by his own teammates.
Marni Fliss: If you have baggage, I want to know about it.
Nate Solomon: If? Have you MET me?
Rose Sorelli: Why am I always at the bottom of the phone chain?
Marjee Sorelli: Because you're the youngest and we don't care about your feelings.
Sister Josepha Montefiore: "Father, why hast thou forsaken me?" Christ asked the same question.
Richard: Did he get an answer?
Sister Josepha Montefiore: Well, he wasn't a scientist so he knew that... some questions have none.
Mike Rowe: Well, there's your problem there.
Theme: It used to be my mother and my sister and me, a happy little family, and all right with me. When mom got married, that's when everything changed. Some things were lost, and others were gained. A new school, a new house, so many changes it makes my head spin. Now I've got a brother who gets under my skin. This is life with Derek. This is life with Derek. This is life with Lizzie, Edwin, George, Nora, Marti, and Casey. This is life with Derek. Livin' life with Derek.
Vanessa Dunphy: You're an asshole Mr. Howard. Five minutes from now I won't be yelling but you'll still be an asshole.
Grace Bridges: If Moses had been a woman, leading the Jews out of Egypt, she'd have stopped to ask for directions. They would've found Israel within a week.
Juniper Lee: You play bass, Dennis. It's a miracle anyone even notices you.
