Truly Scrumptious: Well, Mr. Potts!
Caractacus Pott: What's wrong?
Truly Scrumptious: Now you'll have to marry me!
Oscar Madison: I can't take it anymore, Felix, I'm cracking up. Everything you do irritates me. And when you're not here, the things I know you're gonna do when you come in irritate me. You leave me little notes on my pillow. Told you 158 times I can't stand little notes on my pillow. "We're all out of cornflakes. F.U." Took me three hours to figure out F.U. was Felix Ungar.
Frank Beardsley: I don't quite understand. Am I being stupid?
Helen North: No, you're being a man. Which is sometimes the same thing.
Elizabeth: What's it gonna do, Bruno?
Bruno, The Chauffeur: Well, it's gonna it's gonna make a big flash and go bang.
Virginia: Oh boy.
Jim Douglas: Without a real car, I'm only half a man.
Hrundi V. Bakshi: This is a particularly good one because it helps you always to remember how many days there are in each month. It goes like this: Thirty days have September, October, June and February, all the rest have 29, except my brother who got six months.
Inspector Jacques Clouseau: There is a time to laugh and a time not to laugh, and this is not one of them.
Captain Keene: Fire at will.
Brother Belcher: Poor old Will, why do they always fire at him?
Joe Bass: If God ever made two greater inventions than a pretty woman and a bottle of whiskey, I ain't heard of it.
Gerald Hardcastle: Well, Ted, you can take it from me that in the entire history of this world no man never yet had any pleasure out of a woman without having to pay it for.