Sarah Schnieder: Patrick, hey rockstar! How are the water slides? Or are you too full from all the ice cream?
Patrick Cassels: SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU CRAZY BITCH! THIS PLACE IS A NIGHTMARE!

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Sam Reich: Is something wrong?
Ricky Van Veen: Yes, something's wrong! Chuck Paulsen has a cooler office than I do! This is bullshit!

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Amir Blumenfeld: Two questions: What are you guys doing, and I want in.

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Sarah Schnieder: Guys, I think Patrick's in trouble.
Sam Reich: Patrick?
Sarah Schnieder: Are you guys serious? He's been gone for five hours and you've forgotten who he is?
Sam Reich: Are we talking Four-Eyes, Buck-Teeth?
Sarah Schnieder: No, that's Amir.
Amir Blumenfeld: Pot-Belly, Midget-Legs?
Sarah Schnieder: No, that's Sam.
Dan Gurewitch: Redhead, Taco Truck?
Sam Reich: No, Dan. That's you.
Amir Blumenfeld: Boobs-Chest, Vagina-Pants?
Sarah Schnieder: Horse-Face, Gumby-Arms!
Sam Reich: Oh, Horse-Face, Gumby-Arms! I like that guy.

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Jeff Rubin: Chuck Paulsen crapped all over us in The New York Times.
Sam Reich: We can't let Ricky see that.
Ricky Van Veen: Too late, Chuck Paulsen already sent me a copy.
Sarah Schneider: Any press is good press?
Ricky Van Veen: "Fuck you, CollegeHumor"?

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Amir Blumenfeld: How many of you have ever worked at a website before? [About half the interns raise their hands.] Alright, you can leave. [Pause.] GET THE FUCK OUT!

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Sam Reich: Hey, Sarah, you're here early.
Sarah Schneider: It's 10:30.
Sam Reich: Right on time.
Sarah Schneider: Work starts at 9.
Sam Reich: Impossible, that's when I get up.
Sarah Schneider: Dan, what time does work start?
Dan Gurewitch: 11:45. I came in early to nap.
Sarah Schneider: Wow, that's wrong.
Sam Reich: You know what, there is an easy way to figure this out. Guys, what time does work start?
Patrick Cassels: 10:00?
Jeff Rubin: 11?
Amir Blumenfeld: 3?
Sam Reich: Okay, so 10 plus 11 is 21, plus 3 is 24, divided by 3 is 8:00. Wow, that is early.

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Tripp: I'm gonna go get a latte. Try not to fuck each other while I'm gone.

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