Sharon Carter: Actually, we're engaged "in theory."
Pete: Oh, that's great, congratulations. I'd explain it to Collette if I spoke French, and understood what you were talking about.
Sharon Carter: Why is everyone having such a tough time with this? It's very simple - an engagement is a promise to be married. And I am promising to be engaged, which in theory is a promise to be married, hence we are engaged in theory.
Johnny Donnelly: Good luck finding a card for that.
Ashley: Sharon doesn't want to rush into marriage and make the same mistakes that her mother did.
Berg: Oh, yeah, that's it.
Sharon: That is it.
Berg: I said, "Oh yeah that's it."
Pete: Ashley, if you're here, who's running hell?
Pete: Irene, it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you handle never winning.
Berg: I don't like you being mad at me.
Pete: I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me. Berg, I'm gonna be 25 and I don't even know where my life is - and the one good thing I had, I messed up. When my dad was my age, he had a house, he had a wife, he had me. I mean, what do I have?
Berg: You have the ability to suck the life out of an evening.
Pete: Berg, I'm just not cut out to be a good person.
Berg: I know. That's why the Lord gave us good looks.
Berg: Hi, my name is Berg... and I'm addicted to messing with Pete.
Pete: Berg, you can't sleep in my bed, people talk enough as it is. Go sleep on the couch.
Berg: I can't sleep on the couch. Last week I spilled milk on it and for some reason it smells bad.
Pete: So go sleep on the floor.
Berg: I can't sleep on the floor.
Pete: Why not?
Berg: For some reason there's a trail of ants leading to the couch.
Berg: Just remember that my eye drop experiments paid for that sofa.
Pete: Berg, what color would you say that sofa is?
Berg: I dunno... blue?
